Don't belong here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheLetter, Aug 11, 2014.

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  1. TheLetter

    TheLetter New Member

    Hi all u misery ppl

    So my story?

    had a depression, lost my job.. got over it and had a good time for about a half year. then got kicked out of school, had a depression, went to a psy to talk things over and got well again for a while, but now im kicked out of school again and i can feel the thoughts rushing over me again and the psy talks are not helping at all, cant go thru this again seems like i'm stuck in a loop i this world of ours..

    i in the middle of 20 years old, have a brother and a sister, i wanna leave them a note to relief their pain. Also i don't want ppl to know that i gave up, <mod edit- ask methods>
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2014
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, is it the fact that you got kicked out of school twice that is making you depressed? Do you want to talk about it? Also, welcome. :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can and will survive this ok get someone to talk to the school abt your depression and fight to get back in ok at a later date get the school to put your school on hold so you do not get the failure marks but are able to pick up later where you left because of your depession talk to councilor at your school
  4. TheLetter

    TheLetter New Member

    The fact that i got kicked out have set the depression in motion again, ya i could start over again and again, but at some point you just gotta stop and think. Is this the life i want? Will it ever stop? If not can i go on like this? my answer to those questions are all NO! My life have been a loop of disappointments to my self and the ones who were once close to me, and i think if i make my death look like an accident i can away rather unnoticed, witch to me is the holy grail.
  5. Chris123

    Chris123 New Member

    The answer to those questions are not all no.
    Being depressed is obviously not the life you want and you think you cant go on the way you feel, but will it ever stop? of course it will eventually stop there is a lot of help out there you just need to find it. You've done well so far by going and seeing someone about the way you feel, its just unfortunate that this time you don't think its helping you. Give it time.
    You need to focus on what's caused this depression and as you say its from getting kicked out of school again. You feel depressed because your disappointed in yourself for letting others down, and letting yourself down. On top of that your probably worrying about your future and that your life is going nowhere so you feel suicide is the best thing to do. It isnt.
    Your life is what you make of it, only you can turn it around. Feel positive about yourself and tell yourself your better than your thinking you are right now. Prove the people you were once close to wrong and that your not a disappointment and start feeling better about yourself. I know that deep inside you you know these people still care about you, you may not feel close anymore but you's both care about each other, which is why you plan to make your death look like an accident so you don't disappoint people anymore than you already have. But your death would still deeply sadden them. You just need to give things time, life won't stay bad forever and eventually good things will start to happen, people will start being pleased about your future achievements.
    As I say you just need to give things time, I know waiting for these good things to happen is the hardest part whilst living with depression everyday but you will get there, just talk to someone you trust about the way you feel, people will listen and support you, and life will start to look up for you.
  6. Let it flow

    Let it flow New Member

    I concentrate too much on the future as a consequence of being in terrible situations in the past .due to my fixation with not being in those situations I find I end up in no situation and people push me away unintentionally and intentionally because they can't figure me out ..not that I've figured myself out..I get hurt easily but people think I'm tough as hell ,and I'll keep it that way,if only they knew the fine line I walk regarding suicide! Life becomes numb and I worry that I'll look for the ultimate release for instant pain relief on a whim ..I can go for months without feeling this way then something will happen that just darkens my soul ,especially if I've dealt with something especially well that was painful,if that gets followed quickly by something else,it damn near breaks me ..I'd hate to leave anyone that cared about me in the situation of finding out about a death but living is a little more than hard somedays and months! As long as I've got people to talk to when I'm in the danger zone I'll be okay ,I'm just worried that they might not be around at that time..hopefully this forum will be a good place to go to when I'm in that place! Like now!
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