dont blame me

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by zoebaby, Jan 29, 2008.

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  1. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    i was physically abused by by son's father. I met him when I was 21. I was an easy target i guess, alone, lonely, no self esteem. Beautiful on the outside, but on the inside, empty, full of hate for myself, and hating life, i just needed someone to love me and feel wanted. I left my son's father when was 3 month's old. One day Iwas in the bathroom and I said something wrong and he started hitting me so hard that i was seeing star's. i remember being in that little bathroom, trapped unable to make him stop, it was very scary. I had a tiny baby, two black eyes and marks around my neck, it was awful. its very confusing when someone beats on you like that, and for me he was all i had, but i had to leave. i stayed at my girlfriends house in her guest bedroom on the floor for a couple of days, then went to another friend's house. I turned to my mother, she asked me what did i do for him to do that?!!!! i for sure quit talking to her. what used to make me so mad is that his family would never help when these things happened, his mother use d to say that i should leave him alone so he would quit acting like that. what was i doing to her son? i cant imagine how she could be so blind, and as a woman condone that kind of behaviour and make it everyone elses fault? i had to move 5 times that year, everywhere i would go he would find me, find my car, break in my car and put love letters in my car, it would scare the crap out of me. what kind of love is that when you have to scare someone and keep them trembling, scared out of my mind, moving all over to be safe? and then the family is saying what is wrong with this girl, why cant i take these beatings? its been 12 years, i have never talked about this. i have been diagnosed with PTSD. im nervous around people, not just from this experience but others too.
     
  2. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I am so glad you posted this and thank you so much for reading my blog. It takes a lot of courage to talk about all this I know. I am glad you are letting it out.

    For so many years I heard that comment from friends..what did you do to cause it. I had tried to reach out to those friends and this was what happened. Everyone thought he was so sweet. His mother holds similar attitudes. In her mind her son was the innocent victim of me.

    I truly understand also the feelings you describe. When you are a good person and something so terrible happens to you it doesn't make sense. I realized earlier today that even after 10 years I am shocked that this actually happened to me. This only happen in movies and on the news. Some how it didn't seem it was really happening to me. While I was with him I just would put each incidence behind me even as I began to always be afraid and anxious.

    My heart goes out to you. Please know that you can share this stuff. You don't have to hold it in any more.

    I'm here if you need to talk. :arms:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2008
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Good for you for finally talking about it, it was a necessary step toward taking control of your life back. I think some day you will heal such that you can have normal interaction with people again.
     
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    In time your nervousness of people will disappear. You've taken a step forward by talking about this.
     
  5. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    thankyou :hug: :hug:
     
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