So this is to me.. why are you so fucked up? when will you learn to be able to do something right? Why do you always end up hurting people? Why do you fall in love with someone that can't accept your love? Why do you sit up all night and plan your suicide but then can't do it becuase you'd be murdering someone else? Why is almost every other thought in your head about si? How much longer will you make it really? I'm so fucked up.. i wish i could do something right.. i wish i was at least that half decent human being my mother wished i was.. maybe then she'd love me.. accept me.. What about my friends.. all of them are online.. i wish i had someone in real life i could hang out with and be with.. but i don't..because i'm scared of people..why? I don't know. I'm scared of my appointment with the psychologist this coming Friday. It's three hours long of psychological testings? and then November third i meet with my psychiatrist for the first time ever and if i say anything about wanting to die or about wanting to hurt myself they will baker act me which is adolescent hospitalization.. I'm so scared.. i have to figure out a way around this.. i just don't know how yet..but i'm running out of time.. i want to die so bad.. but i know if i die. i kill someone else in the process and i don't even want to come close to thinking about her dying.