Dont bother

[Onlyme]

For all those who think about getting professional help - DONT BOTHER.

It will plague you for the rest of your life.

No-one will believe if you are in real physical pain, they wont care, after all youre only a nut case, a time waister and a burden on the NHS.

It's taken months for my doctors to FINALLY admit I had appendicitus and remove it the day before yesterday, stating it was an acute case post op.
As for my GP... he near enough threw me out of his office as a drug addict, claiming I was faking my pain to get drugs!

No one will ever believe a word about anything..... ever.

I wish I had died under the anaesthetic.

 

[MrDepressed]

I am very sorry to hear about your ordeal, I can see why you feel so bitter.. but I think that the professionals can help people in general, but they do make mistakes and can be hard to get along with, they are humans after all.

 

[bipolarkitty]

I'm sorry that happened to you. It must have made you feel awful. I know what it's like to have doctors or therapists not believe you. It hurts so much. But I do know there are those out there who really do care and will believe you. You just have to keep looking for them.

 

[Onlyme]

Even my own mother didnt believe me.

I was supposed to be going back with my fiancee to his house today (meaning a drive, boat journey as I'm on an island and 2ish hrs drive), but I have a large, disgusting tear along my front side (looks more like a butcher than a surgeon did it) and am in alot of pain.

He's gone, in a mood AGAIN because I simply do not feel well enough to travel (op done day before yesterday at 23:30!).

He's even turned his phone off so I can't "moan" and upset him!!!

I feel totally worthless to everyone.

Even my work didnt bother to send me an xmas card, everyone else had one and I sent them.....

To put it plainly, no one wants me here.

 

[Wolfie]

Maybe if OnlyMe didn't blame everyone else for her problems...
Maybe if OnlyMe realised she isn't the only one with worries and problems...
Maybe if OnlyMe didn't scream abuse at everyone who dares to question her...
Maybe if OnlyMe didn't lie so much about everything to those she says she loves...
Maybe if OnlyMe didn't twist every situation to suit herself...
Maybe if OnlyMe acted her age - nearly 27- instead of like a spoilt teenager...
Maybe if OnlyMe stood up for herself or let those who love do so...
Maybe if OnlyMe took the help that was/is offered to her...
Maybe if OnlyMe listened to those who DO support her, love her and encourage her...
Maybe if OnlyMe believed in herself the same as others do...
Maybe if OnlyMe realised that those who love and want her can't give up everything and come running whenever she shouts - some of us have to pay the bills...
Maybe if OnlyMe realised and accepted how much she is loved...
Maybe if OnlyMe realised that you can only push someone so far before they break...
Maybe if OnlyMe would accept that she is loved and wanted...
Maybe if OnlyMe would accept as long as we have each other it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks..
Maybe if OnlyMe accepted that she is loved no matter what scars she has...
Maybe if OnlyMe accepted that things are NEVER as bad as she thinks...
Maybe if OnlyMe would realise she is not alone...
Maybe if OnlyMe realised other people have worries and problems too...
Maybe if OnlyMe stopped feeling so sorry for herself...
Maybe if OnlyMe trusted me...
Maybe if OnlyMe let people support her...
Maybe if OnlyMe realised I love her more than life...

Signed Her finacee.

PS. The 2 hour journey is actually closer to an hour and about 60 miles... and I m a state registered paramedic so ask yourselves is she better with someone who cares and can look after her and wants her or 'alone' with at her mothers? Oh and she chose to leave hospital post op against advice, in pain and unwell... and the phone was turned off for 2 hrs due to the abusive messages she was sending again..

 

[TheBLA]

Wolfie, I found your post to be very callous and insensitive. You DO NOT go to someone who is depressed and just tell them to snap out of it, you don't tell me that they are whining and acting spoilt and whatnot. I did not like your post at all and reading it makes me very angry.

Maybe OnlyMe does really have people that care about her and whatnot, but she is in a bad state of depression that makes her think otherwise. Shit, I still dunno if my fucking parents would miss me or not if I commited suicide.

 

[Wolfie]

Sorry but she needs to see the truth - SHE says she isn't depressed... so your arguement isn't valid I m afraid.

I ve tried talking to her and continally have my help and suport thrown back in my face - SHE lies blantly on this forum - not me..

Suggest YOU read that I - HER FIANCEE - who SHE is so quick to slag off in a public forum is the ONLY person that has stood by her through EVERYTHING over the past 3 years I have known her.. the lies, the cheating, the overdoses, the selfharm, the abuse...

Wolfie.

 

[Wonderstuff]

I sort of agree. Wolfie...I think you made some good points, albeit not as diplomatically as is possible...Yes, it hurts a great deal to witness someone we love destroying themselves, when we think they could change and that would allow them to be happy. But depression is tricky, like nkrukato says, and some of the things you mention - accepting that things are never as bad as you think, believing in yourself the same as others do - are part and parcel of being depressed, and you can't expect things like that to change overnight. It will almost certainly take a while.

- and, edit, since our posts crossed over - just because someone doesn't think they're depressed, doesn't mean they're not.

 

[Wolfie]

I m not expecting it overnight - I ve been trying for THREE years now...

Oh and I know what depression is - been there myself on more than one occasion... and it is OnlyMe that has given me a reason to carry on. A year next week I was sat on a railway bridge about to jump when it was her support and love that stopped me.

Remember - I KNOW OnlyMe personally and intimately -others here don't... I know she is depressed as does her mother and her GP but it is HER that refuses to accept it or the help offered...

 

[hatelife]

sometimes it is hard to admit that enough is enough and get help, sometimes it is to late to change things and people who care are pushed so far they walk away. sometimes admitting that the feeling is due to depression is the hardest thing one may need to hear. Wolfie i thounght what you said was harsh but it hit home with me. so much of that i relate to and i want it to change but the difference is iv admitted that i have the problem, the first step for onlyMe is to come to terms with her problem then maybe she will listen to some off the things you have said. thank you for standing by her for so long, one day she will realise she needs help.

 

[AngelDust]

I think.... OnlyMe is blessed to have a man in her life....
That could easily write all the things he has said...

He obviously knows and cares alot about you.

Life isn't easy.
Why do you want it to be?

 

[Onlyme]

Sounds like a saint doesnt he....
You ought to read the abuse, hear the abuse and see the physical abuse he has put me through and that THIRD PARTIES completely unrelated have SEEN and how come he landed up in court through it and how I managed to lie to get him off.
I give up. He's a fucking paramedic, so the whole world bows down to him...
Well, he wont hear from me again, if anyone wants him - go for it.
You know what, I've had more support from his father than him of late.

 

[Onlyme]

oh and no, i DID NOT self discharge, "Wolfie" was waking yet another scene whilst the nurses and doctor were trying to sort out my meds...

 

[Wolfie]

See thats the sort of abuse and lies I put up with and the reason sometimes I have to turn the phone off...

This from the person who says she loved me...

 

[Wolfie]

And again by phone at the same time....

 

[Wolfie]

oh and no, i DID NOT self discharge, "Wolfie" was waking yet another scene whilst the nurses and doctor were trying to sort out my meds...

I never said you did selfdischarge - I said you discharged against advice - just what I mean about not listening.

The ONLY person that made any attempt to stand up for OnlyMe was me and thats also wrong...

No win suitation for me...