Don't care enough

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Krem, Sep 5, 2010.

  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking, for the past few days, and I don't like what I came to.

    I don't really care about people. I don't mean humanity as a whole, or society, or other such "edgy" stuff- I mean that I don't care about individuals. Family members have died, I didn't mourn them. I've lost friends, but I felt more boredom-induced loneliness than longing for them. And I fear that should one of my parents die, I'd be sad only because of the reduced income, which'd mean that I could do less (To the point where I can actually choose which one I'd rather survive). If there'd be a school shooting, I'd not mourn anyone, or even flinch, unless the teachers I like would stop teaching me. If my neighbourhood were to burn to the ground, I'd only care about if people'd look down on me and/or be rude to me because I'd not bother to help. My own grandmother, who lives with us, who gives me sweets, snacks and ice-cream? If she were to die, all I'd miss is the stuff she gives me, but I'd be glad; I might get the apartment, or my parents could rent it out for more income. I even have things I can blackmail her with, which I'm keeping on in case she catches me stealing from her (Only steal snacks and candy; she claims that she doesn't have any, often, and when she checks, she claims surprise, that she had forgotten. Either she's lying, or she forgot, either way I am willing).

    And all of this doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that it doesn't bother me. I know (I think) I'm not a psychopath, since I don't believe I could hurt, for an example, cats. And I can see between "right" and "wrong".

    This just caused by depression, the lack of social skills, or am I really just a shit person? <_<
  2. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    A lot of people don't really feel much at first when someone dies, especially people you didn't really know. You can't really feel sad about the loss of something that was never really there in the first place. As far as what it's caused by, I'd say it's just a lack of social skills and experience, not really something wrong with you as a person.
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Perhaps it's what you attribute to things, and what you allow and protect yourself from feeling.

    I couldn't tell you, I don't know your history or you choices, but, I do know personally, how I feel about myself reflects on how I feel about other people. I didn't9and at times dont) have the energy to feel for others when I barely have the energy to make myself feel for myself.

    Is it a sort of "ok, and then what?" sort of feeling or lack of?
  4. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    Aye, pretty much. "How does this influence my life?" would be the primary thought, I guess.

    Further thought: I'd pay a maximum of 10.000 ISK to keep "all" of my friends. (That's roughly 67 euros, and the price of a modern video game.)
    If I were to choose between throwing away half of my money, or let a friend die, I think I might actually let them die.

    Luckily none of them know this, for I doubt they'd like the thought, haha.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    A contradiction can not exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole.
  6. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    ..and that has to do with what?
  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I've been there, and am there at times. For me, it's cold and calculated. It's an exclusion of feeling basically. Music is like a back door to my feelings to be honest. It's like comparing a sunset as a calculated event of perception to a beautiful expression of the elements of colour and position.

    It basically became a point of emotional vs facts, and at some point, there's a moment when both collide. Like a loss in a family structure so to say. At the moment of realization there's the feelings of loss and memories(happy and sad), and there's the progressive factual calculated thoughts and desires. Such as, "ok, well what has to be done and what has to be replaced, how is this going to affect me, and how is this going to affect others, and how is that what affects them going to inturn affect me and my life ect"

    for me, It's almost like an exclusion of feeling. Well, a blanket of facts and progression. I guess for me it'savoiding the saturation of the here and now in regards to feelings.

    I dont believe you dont care, I believe you might not be giving yourself the chance to care because you are methodical.

    Perhaps if there is anything you care about, play with the mental fact that something has happened to it(doesnt have to be negative, it can be positive), and instead of working off of it in a methodical whats next sort of way, try just, breathing in the moment, and existing equally with that what you care about.

    I suppose, it's also a sign of how much you care about yourself, and how you equate other life in comparison to your own aswell.

    Just some random thoughts. Hope things are well.
  8. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    When and if the stuff you have does go missing, you will feel it. It may be a delayed reaction. You might not feel it for ten years. But it will affect you. I thought the same way when I first became a police officer. I was like this stuff doesn't bother me. I don't know that person. But trust me, when it happens for real, you will have those feelings.
  9. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    I have. My grandfather died, nothing. My cat died, and it was bad, but it was not much worse than having some food gone bad, as horrible as it is to say it. My aunt died, nothing. I lost a group of friends, nothing (Other than the added loneliness due to boredom due to less things to do). I lose the remaining duo of friends in the country, nothing (Other than the boredom-induced loneliness).

    I further thought; even if I had the courage to attempt and save someone/thing from harm, if it meant injuring myself, I'd probably not do it. Hypothetical situation: I've a date, and we get attacked by a gang. They tell me to do something, like stab myself or eat shit, or they'd cut him/her, I'd probably let them do it. Hell, if it were my own mother, I'd probably let them do it. But that's motivated, to a great extent, by my immense fear of (physical) pain.

    Explain this to me; I don't have manual control of my emotions; I can't flick an on/off switch (If I did, I'd hardly be on SF, haha). I don't recall deciding that I'd not 'give myself the chance to care', or to be methodical.
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I did not choose to be gay. I am.
  11. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    The OP is talking about people he DOES know well, thats the whole point.

    I don't know about psychopathic, but certainly there are some issues to be sorted through here. How can you ever experience the good that can come with close relationships if you can never achieve a true emotional connection that isn't based on some tangible, immediate reward?

    I think you should seek professional advice tbh...could lead to a more fulfilling life, imo.
  12. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    ..and? How is that relevent to this? The point was that there are things about us which we don't have control over, things we can't will to change. It was a response to Blake saying that I wasn't 'letting myself care'.

    Aye, the benefits would outweigh the costs should I care, if other people are an indication. Luckily I'm going to a therapist on my birthday next week, haha.
  13. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I'm not even bothering to reply any more.

    Congratulations. I haven't been this irritated with someone I've never met in person since I was thirteen. I guess we're too much alike.
  14. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    Explain why. Posting here 2 times with things that, at least seem to, are off-topic, and then not explaining how they are on-topic. (On-topic: Relevant. Off-topic: Irrelevant.)

    Your sexuality, and that you (gasp!) didn't decide on it, has nothing to do with the OP's.. emotional disadvantage, if it do ya fine. If it somehow did, then explaining how it does is better than "You don't get it, so I'm not gonna try to tell you how to get it. YOU PISS ME OFF!".
  15. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I think you have to train your mind to care, like you have to train your mind not to care.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2010
  16. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    i miss apathy,having. good lu ck.
  17. Sephaus

    Sephaus Well-Known Member

    I'm the opposite, I'm very misanthropic but the very few people I have come to trust mean a great deal to me, really the only reason why I continue to exist...
  18. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    I remember when my favorite dog died. I didn't feel anything. I went upstairs and tried to cry. I couldn't. I couldn't feel anything. My great-grandmother died, and I felt nothing. Deep down I felt ashamed. I thought something was wrong with me. I still don't know how to properly set up boundaries, and feel emotions other than sadness. It's a darn shame too.