dont deserve it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vbuk, Aug 12, 2007.

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  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i dont deserve this place. dont deserve friends. all of you i love and i dont deserve anything in return. ive let you down. ive let everyone down. ive let mself down. i shud be outside watching the stars - but cant face it. just sitting here - self harming - it hurts.

    i just want out. its all too much. im a horrible horrible person for all that ive done. for what i put people i love through. i just wanna give up. im tired. im so so tired. i dont sleep. i cant sleep. i just lay there. and then i go to work and get talked to like shit. whats the point anymore. i dont see it. im scared. ive started to not see reasons not to do it. i want it. i want it right now.

    im sorry. im sorry to all those i hurt and let down.

    i truely love you all

    God Bless

    Clare xxxx
     
  2. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    no1-u deserve here as muchas we all do and we adore u and ur kind nature.i would not have got thro these montha if not for ur honesty and love and support
    no2-u dont put us thro anything.we care for u and wanna make u better and will show u.ur reasons for work is a maybe promosion and u deserve it
    no3-never any sorries,u can never let me down and the only things that will ever hurt me is if u ever stop talking
    love u loads
    here and
    ty clare
    love and hugs
    sarahg
     
  3. Ampacity

    Ampacity Active Member

    Heylo

    God bless you too! Be safe and try to rest, I know its hard sometimes i have the same problem my mind just keeps going and going. Have you tried sleep medicine, I usually just take Nyquil when i can't sleep. Please hang in there.

    :hug:
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Clare,

    You deserve this place as much as the next person. You not only recieve support but give it aswell. Your not hurting anyone. It's understandable to be scared but please stay safe because there are people here who do care and i'm one of them.

    Take care,

    Vikki.
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Aww Clare. i wish you didn't feel this way. You are such a wonderful individual that has been through much more than anyone should have to endure. You have many friends here and we all wish to support you as best we can. We are here for you in both good and bad times. You deserve to have the best. :hug:
     
  6. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i want to cry but have no tears. i wanna die but dont wanna do the job myself - too lazy arent i? i am so alone.

    i go to italy on saturday - i really cant wait but dont want to come back. its going to be beautiful over there. i just know that im not a good enough person to see it. god i hate me so so much. and cant get out of it.

    one second im fine and the next im down - is such a screwup.
     
  7. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I hope you have a good time in Italy hunny :hug: I'm here any time you need me.
     
  8. RCC

    RCC Well-Known Member

    None of us deserve the windfall we enjoy, Jesus' death serves a certain purpose you know. :wink:

    It sounds like you've burdened yourself with a load of responsibilities. Why?

    I'm very curious to what you have done, maybe some here could relate? Perhaps I could relate.

    Keep in touch, love you Clare.

    God Bless
     
  9. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    bad stuff happened yesterday - things that really hurt. really wanted me to die. i still do. but only now my boss knows. i have to leave for work in a few mins and 'we are having a chat' im scared. ill just breakdown on him - i know it - or i wont be able to talk. either way its not good. my boss is lovely but doesnt understand depression. and cant find reasons not to live. he is so happy.

    i cant stop shaking. feel like i wont make it to work :(

    im trying so hard to keep going but have no idea if i can anymore. this is all too hard

    love you x
     
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