don't deserve what I have

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MOMMYOF3, Nov 15, 2007.

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    MOMMYOF3 Member

    I haven't posted here in a while and have only done it a few times but I read often. Everyone always says nobody loves them, they are all alone but my situation is different. I have plenty of people who think they love me, my husband, family, children, but they wouldn't love me if they knew the real me. I have screwed up so much and kept it hidden from those around me and I feel like every day is a race to keep ahead of my secrets that I am rapidly losing. I know that suicide is the only way to fix the trouble I have caused or risk losing everyone in my life. Everyday when I get in my car to go to work, I pray to get hit and die, I wish for a terrible accident so the shame of suicide doesn't follow my children but I am running out of time. I will be forced to take matters into my own hands.

  2. saaretjie

    saaretjie Member

    TBH with you... I think I can kind of identify

    I also have a great family that loves me... but if they find out my reality...
  3. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    sounds like you need to talk to someone pretty quick.
    pm me if you wish to x
  4. derbygirl

    derbygirl Chat and Forum Buddy

    I dont know of your situation, but hun, hang on just a little longer.

    Love is a powerful emotion and entity and strange, your family may very well still love you no matter what you have done.

    My mother is very violent and abusive towards me, she suffers from borderline personality disorder and is incredibly unpredictable. she has caused a lot of trouble, heart ache and shitty mess. But her family still loves her, we all love her. There are times where we wish she would just piss off, but we try to help her as best as we can, especially me.

    The point is, no matter how much crap you think you have caused and all the mistakes you have made, there will be at least one person who will stand by you and help you through it.
    A few words on help:: I know its hard to accept help (am i getting off the track??), but people do want to help; and most of the time when you reject help and close yourself up, they feel rejected, lost and isolated themselves. I learnt this the hard way.

    Ultimately it is your decision. But i do hope you can keep pushing along through all the mess of your life. Everybody makes mistakes, and these dont make the person you are.

    Are you currently seeing a psych professional? if not, would you consider it?

    I hope you decide to stay with us.

    if you need to talk, just pm me or msg me on msn

    I hope i havnt ventured off track and have offered a little something for you rather than plain rubbish....:hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2007

    MOMMYOF3 Member

    I don't take drugs or abuse my children, I haven't slept around on my husband..... I am just plain stupid. When given a choice, I always make the wrong one. I just called my husband at work and told him a big secret I have been keeping from him. I thought I would feel better but I don't. He says he is not mad at me but I know that is a lie, how could he not possibly be mad. I am definately more trouble than it is worth for my family. I still want to die... and that is the biggest secret of all that I am hiding from those who know me.

  6. derbygirl

    derbygirl Chat and Forum Buddy

    everybody is different. what may make you angry might not make your husband angry. have you discussed the issue in full with him? it might be worth it. everyone has their skeletons, you might just need some help with yours.

    are you on any meds or seeing a psych?
  7. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    it's quite surprising that people don't always hate you when you think they will. Is there something else that's happened that's causing all this self hate? It doesn't sound here like you've done anything real bad.
    What do you really think would happen if you told them you wanted to die? Most decent people would not hate in those circumstances, although they might be shocked.
  8. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

    Hi? I just want to say something with you. I know you're tired of something which i don't know. just think of this, if you will be hit by car, what do you tink will happen to the people around you. They will loosse you. That's the ything that will lead to the feeelings you had now.


    [ How to protect yourself form depression and sucidal?]
    My stuff that really works, just read it.
    thank you

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