dont end up like me

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Rachael1, Dec 1, 2012.

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  1. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    picture this..... your on the floor, slumpt against a wall. its cold. theres <edit moderator total eclipse triggering> self-inflicted wounds are weeping. theres a sharp pain in your abdomen. your shaking uncontrolably. tears are streaming down your face. empty packets and bottles that once <edit moderator total eclilpse methods>. your vision is blurred and your halucinating....not a nice image is it?? thats me....i hurt myself to drown out the painfull memories and mental agony i face everyday. somehow physical pain is easier for me to cope with than mental pain. but once you start its hard to stop. ive suffered irreversable damage to my liver and kidneys and ive fucked up my whole digestive tract. please find help before you think about doing anything to yourself. find help as soon as you feel a problem. dont end up like me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2012
  2. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    Hi Rachael1,
    Am so sorry to hear what has happened to you. I have scars from numerous hated attacks against myself but what really hurts me so much more is the thought of what you have had to go through. It makes me so upset to hear of your predicament, and I wish i could do anything to turn the clock back to before your attempt. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. Big hugs.
     
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Although not exactly the same circumstances, and only waking up weeks afterward in hospital, I have already been there so I know exactly what it is like.
     
  4. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    yeah i wish i could the clock back. i was in a really dark place when i joined this forum, i was comforted by all the support of its members and i finally took the advice to see a doctor. but its too late, the damage is done and cant be taken back. once you get to the bottom its hard to pull yourself out again. i just want anybody who feels like there not coping, to go see someone.
     
  5. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Indeed, you cannot take back anything that has been done, and no one has to believe it, but you do learn to live with your mistakes, for better or worse, mistakes, however grave (for lack of a better word) help far more in being able to understand and cope with life than any other. My left arm reminds me of that every day for the past ten years and it has made me a somewhat stronger person.
     
  6. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Thanks for sharing.
     
  7. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    yes i suppose when we do learn from our mistakes, it makes us stronger. im sorry that you too are in that situation and i hope you dont get any deeper into it. please seek help from a professional if you slip. i cant stress enough how important it is to get the help before you get in to deep.
     
  8. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Last night, I seriously thought about harming myself, but read that it may not work, but I get so anxious. Are you getting help?
     
  9. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    no im not getting help. not phyciological help anyway. ive given up on myself. i only went to see a doctor after being persuaded by someone on here. i only told the doctor the bare minimum. if a had told him everything he wouldve committed me there and then. you should get help now before you get any deeper
     
  10. vhanna26

    vhanna26 Active Member

    Yes. I'm starting to feel anxious again. I haven't been to sleep is since yesterday, and my appetite is low. Just watching television, and trying to keep calm. Being able to express my feelings on this forum has been helpful, though. I know it's hard, but please don't give up on yourself. Tell someone what's going on.
     
  11. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    you need to keep yourself occupied and try to do something active or creative, and yes this forum is good for expressing your feelings, especially when your in my situation. nobody understands me, its like im screaming as loud as i can but nobody can hear me.
     
  12. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Cheers, it has been a decade now and although there have been a few times when I have thought the same again, those times are thankfully few and far between. These days, I use what I learnt to disuade others and try and turn them away from following in my own footsteps, much the same as you. :bubbles:
     
  13. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    I can relate to that last phrase all too well... in fact, I actually expressed something to that effect while speaking with crisis not too long ago. It is definitely a very lonely place to be in... but please don't give up. Keeping yourself distracted and finding a means of emotional release is good advice. I know I found calling a crisis line and just talking for some time remarkably helpful recently... the human connection took the edge off of my profound sense of aloneness and isolation, and expressing what I felt was cathartic, helped me bide time, and released the pent-up energy I felt. Maybe that's something that could potentially be helpful to you as well?

    Please take the best possible care, and don't stop talking! :hug:
     
  14. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    im ashamed to admit that i messsed up again. no matter how hard i try. nothing seems to work. although this time i called a helpline. but i panicked. i thought they might trace my call and send someone over or something so i hung up and ran. that seems to be my problem at the moment, when i feel threatened or anxious i run. when i cant run i take out my fustration on myself. what the woman on the end of the phone did say, helped. i kind of ended up shouting at her and just releasing all the coiled up anger. but she said its good to let it out and she was very reasuring. so now im just left with the aftermath :(
     
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