Don't give a crap about anything.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SowrongSowrong, Jun 17, 2010.

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  1. SowrongSowrong

    SowrongSowrong Active Member

    Hey. Thought I would just write something here cause I'm tired and down in a black hole. Maybe sharing some of it will ease my mind a little.

    I'm feeling more and more imprisoned every day. Nothing really matters to me. I spend all day at my computer gaming and watching movies/tvshows/animes.
    I'm out of my house like 3 or 4 times a month, only to walk a dog or buy something I need.

    BUT, you will probably guess I feel imprisoned by the fact that I'm out so little, actually that's NOT the reason. I actually enjoy my own company a lot and I'm pretty anti-social, but that's not the problem here. I feel imprisoned of going up and down with depression for over 6 years now, and of going through memories and thoughts in my head again and again.

    I had a girlfriend from I was 15 to 18, then we broke up. It's been over for about 13 months now, and I still think of her. I don't know what's wrong with me. It goes in periods. I can go a week with almost no thoughts of her, and then suddenly I have a "period" where everything reminds me of her. I mean wtf, it doesn't make sense anymore. It's like the brain just thinks for itself.
    I am almost completely over her, and I don't want her back either. But I can't move on for some reason, maybe it's the way I live, all the hours alone in my room? Maybe my biggest problem right now is that I'm nervous when I go out, cause I don't want to run into her. I don't know why this makes me so damn nervous but it does. She lives 30min from here so the chance of even her being in my city is very low, but I'm still that paranoid. Don't know what is happening to me, but it can't be good.

    I have friends, but I usually only hang out with one of them, cause the other ones bore me to death. (sry, im just honest).

    Lately I have also started to give a crap about anything social (bithdays and stuff). I just ditch all of it, I'm always at home when my family goes out to do stuff. They are scared of me become "too" antisocial (although I'm all ready there). I didn't even care about going to my sisters 18th birthday (family birthday)
    I kinda think all my problems, depressions and misery makes me pretty egoistic and anti-social. But I can't help it. I'm getting more and more annoyed by every damn thing in life. It's just too much. What a fucked up world this is.

    I hope this wasn't too long.

    Cu in hell :)

    ps. a replie is suggested :p
  2. skyla

    skyla Member


    thanks for your message..just wanted to are not alone...ive had Bipolar for almost 8 years and that means that almost 6 months out of every year results in a depressive episode where I do not go out, see anyone, work, or anything....its awful but there are many people who have these issues.

    Hopefully you will come out of this phase really soon....keep posting on really helps x x
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    A broken heart is terrible, but believe me, it will pass. Keep on talking here, stay with us. Are you treated for your depression? :hugtackles:
  4. SowrongSowrong

    SowrongSowrong Active Member

    Well. I went to therapy for 2 years, and it helped me with a lot of stuff.
    Now I only take anti-depressives.
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Why did you quit therapy?
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds to me that it is time for you to start going out to the clubs or whatever and start meeting some new young ladies..You need to work on positive things and forget the past.. Theres nothing you can do about it anyhow..Who knows you might meet Miss Right while your out..
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Getting over girls is a challenging thing. I am sure you will be fine man. I agree with Stranger1. Maybe you need to go out and find a new girl to see in everything.
  8. isocial

    isocial Active Member

    It's very hard to here..even i too passed these situations, I felt so depressed because of my business loss that time my friends only boost and help me a lot to get away form that.meditation was helped me to cool my mind and fresh my body..My suggestion is do meditation and share your sadness with someone whom you like more and keep away from that mind set...
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