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Don't have a reason, but still want to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hnolk, Jan 22, 2011.

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  1. Hnolk

    Hnolk New Member

    I have had a pretty good life. I have a family that is very close, and they are all super nice and loving. I am considered to be pretty good looking, and I have never had any problems with getting girls, be it for one night stands or relationships. I was always good at school, got good grades, never got into trouble, never done any drugs nor smoked. I'm reasonably good at everything I do and people seem to generally like me and trust me well. I have never lost anyone close to me and never been through any traumatizing experience in my life.

    Yet I have been obsessed with dying my entire life. I can remember my first suicidal thoughts when I wasn't even 10 years old, today I'm 29. I have had three serious suicide attempts before, which nobody knows about. Last one was about 3 years ago. I just don't want to be alive, and I don't know why. I tried some medicine years back, don't remember the name anymore, and it just made me feel sick, without changing my feelings.

    Today I have good access to chemicals through my studies, and I have assembled a mini "suicide kit". All I need to do is mix it, drink, and I'll be gone shortly after. I've already written a small note to my family, which I don't think has any idea of how I really feel.

    I don't really know the true purpose of this post. I don't know if I'm going to do it tonight, next week or in a year. But I assume I will do it at some point.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Instead how about trying the newer medication out there try to get well so others here will not be left behind in excrusiating sadness and pain.
    Use you knowledge of meds to get you well. The new meds have less side effect and bring you energy and yourself back. New antipressants do work
    Just because the one drug you used did not suit you does not give you are reason to give up to just not try again.
    For you for your family try again okay push to get well It is possible don't waiste more years living with this distorted thinking depression when you could be living a happier life.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sounds like it would be worth your while to get some treatment. I hope that something helps!
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and glad you shared this...I have found that some ppl just do not have the right brain chemistry and cannot find a traumatic event or such to attribute our depression to...that is what medication is best at treating...please call a pdoc, or such and see what is available to you...you deserve to enjoy all that you have...big hugs, J
  5. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Please think about talking to your doctor and seeking some help. Even just talking to us here will help you. Be kind to yourself. :hug:
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