cause I believe in God, & dont have the balls to self destruct. But dammit, am I always ever so discontent. Im 23, never got laid, never had a g/f, nor been on a friggin DATE! Pretty medicore & incompetent generally at everything in life. Confidence and self esteem is one thing, but you still must have skill. I always did poorly on tests in general, found high school difficult, forget university. Barely made community college, but withdrew, cause I was failing again. Now I work some dead end/part time type job suited/aimmed for high school kids. Not to mention, I look/act like im still 16, immature, short(5'6), confused, bit rebellious, etc. My parents are very finanically unstable as well. Im not a blue collar guy either, I get injured easily. Even then, the mechanics and small details of blue collar careers I still find difficult. I dont really have any friends, bit weird/geeky/dorky an outcast/sorta a smartass in a bitter way, not soo much in charming way where it attracts girls. Try too hard sometimes to impress people, cause being myself doesnt work. Basically no one really cares about me. I dont smoke drink club pool movies etc, only thing that I seek of interest is my car guy comrads where we go racing on the weekend, I usually film and ride shotgun. (In isolated areas, but even then, its getting bit boring after these few years.) Im too dumb and poor to afford my own fast car as well. Moreover, Im an ASIAN male that seeks/admires white women that wont give me the time of day, let alone asian females(who lately love the white men.) Also I dont dig my own race! :/ I almost wish I had no emotions or hormones, so i dont get bitter looking at hot girls/cause I wont feel a thing. Im not ugly, but have a mildly disfigured forehead I cover with a cap, but as you get older, it looks unprofessional and silly. Wearing your hair down, or even using make up wont work either (espeically in the summer.) Basically, Im not asian enough to excell in the asian triats, & obviously dont fit in properly with my caucasian comrads. Half ass inbreed in "no mans land." My dream is to die young from natural causes, or miraciously win the lotto, keno or something. Then get a nice car(my hobby), & maybe perhaps I'll get back some attention/respect, and have a few ladies notice me. Just very emotionally bitter/depressed/sexually fustrated. Almost feel like getting a prostitue(but dem STDs and the fact that theyve been with anyone turns me off!) Also just lost some money to a slight traffic offense(non racing related that woulda been my hooker mula IF i was gonna get one.) Not asking for a pity party, E hugs or anything, and I guess theres always someone worse, etc, but im soo EMO and bitter as fuck.