dont have an urge to die...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by afterlife, Apr 30, 2007.

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  1. afterlife

    afterlife Guest

    cause I believe in God, & dont have the balls to self destruct. But dammit, am I always ever so discontent.

    Im 23, never got laid, never had a g/f, nor been on a friggin DATE! Pretty medicore & incompetent generally at everything in life. Confidence and self esteem is one thing, but you still must have skill. I always did poorly on tests in general, found high school difficult, forget university. Barely made community college, but withdrew, cause I was failing again. Now I work some dead end/part time type job suited/aimmed for high school kids. Not to mention, I look/act like im still 16, immature, short(5'6), confused, bit rebellious, etc. My parents are very finanically unstable as well. Im not a blue collar guy either, I get injured easily. Even then, the mechanics and small details of blue collar careers I still find difficult.

    I dont really have any friends, bit weird/geeky/dorky an outcast/sorta a smartass in a bitter way, not soo much in charming way where it attracts girls. Try too hard sometimes to impress people, cause being myself doesnt work. Basically no one really cares about me. I dont smoke drink club pool movies etc, only thing that I seek of interest is my car guy comrads where we go racing on the weekend, I usually film and ride shotgun. (In isolated areas, but even then, its getting bit boring after these few years.) Im too dumb and poor to afford my own fast car as well.

    Moreover, Im an ASIAN male that seeks/admires white women that wont give me the time of day, let alone asian females(who lately love the white men.) Also I dont dig my own race! :/
    I almost wish I had no emotions or hormones, so i dont get bitter looking at hot girls/cause I wont feel a thing.

    Im not ugly, but have a mildly disfigured forehead I cover with a cap, but as you get older, it looks unprofessional and silly. Wearing your hair down, or even using make up wont work either (espeically in the summer.)

    Basically, Im not asian enough to excell in the asian triats, & obviously dont fit in properly with my caucasian comrads. Half ass inbreed in "no mans land."

    My dream is to die young from natural causes, or miraciously win the lotto, keno or something. Then get a nice car(my hobby), & maybe perhaps I'll get back some attention/respect, and have a few ladies notice me.

    Just very emotionally bitter/depressed/sexually fustrated. Almost feel like getting a prostitue(but dem STDs and the fact that theyve been with anyone turns me off!) Also just lost some money to a slight traffic offense(non racing related that woulda been my hooker mula IF i was gonna get one.)

    Not asking for a pity party, E hugs or anything, and I guess theres always someone worse, etc, but im soo EMO and bitter as fuck.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2007
  2. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    yeah, i know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way all the time. I dont think it has any thing to do with races tho. Im half black and half white. I have lighyt skin and a afro. My looks dont really bother me I think im fine. Lots of people tell me im handsom but I still dont have the skills to talk to women.
     
  3. 1up

    1up Member

    Holy fuckin shit dude... you are exactly like me... only i'm a 5'10 asian and i'm 20 years old goin on 21 in a couple months.

    every detail u mentioned is basically me, girl probs, parents financially unstable, being the dorky outcast/kinda weird but funny though, asian looking real young, tryin to holla at white girls but have bad luck lol, and hanging out with friends that have/are into cars but is himself too broke to afford one.

    all this shit has made me bitter also...goin from the nice guy evolving into an asshole.. but theres always hope dude

    i mean kids in somalia have it worst than us.. i mean at least we have internet and porn (lol jk).

    but the way i look at it...hard work would probably pay off.. so as long as you set goals on shit you want to accomplish wheter it be long-term (finding a career to make some money or re-enroll in college) or short-term (practice talkin to regular chicks every other day to step ur game up and learn from your flaws).. but if u (or me) keep on blamin stuff due to ur (our) flaws.. we'd be stuck in this black hole forever.


    Suck with the girls? go here http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989
    it helped me with my game and i'm trying to improve it as we speak. But cmon dude, you can't blame it on our race. Shit, i see some asian dudes who pick up decent lookin chicks and them lookin like regular asian dudes (even this one dude i know with a big forehead got this chick..go figure man).

    ok ur 5'6, but i know this 5'3 asian dude who still gets his mackin on with chicks so height shouldn't be a prob. its all about ur confidence man. Maybe you should work out or find a hobby that may help aid you in your game and keep your mind off that shit.

    tired of a dead end job? dude ur still 24.. u should enroll back into school or at least a skill type of college where u can get either a degree or certificate so you can get a higher paying job. I mean, right now i'm in college and theres a 50 year old dude in there who could be my grandpa, so its never too late. This way you can afford the car you always wanted. Just gotta study and be determined to make a change.

    BUT YO, i definitely know where you're coming from, EXACTLY!

    its you that has to make the change and not blame it on minor shit man..if u need any more advice or wanna talk man... hit me up on my pm with ur aim..just trying to help a fellow asian out :cool:
     
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'll be 20 next month and I'm the biggest loser alive, no friends, never had a GF, never kissed, etc etc but I'm a bigger loser than you though, eh. Gotta sleep right now. Fuck.
     
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