Don't have the strength

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Uulanda, Mar 24, 2010.

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  1. Uulanda

    Uulanda Active Member

    Hi everyone, sorry if I'm posting too early considering I only just made my account, but I could use some help.

    I've felt suicidal for many years now and severely depressed for even long, and I'm only 16.

    I really don't see the point in living, and should I be given the chance to die now I would take that without a doubt straight away. I don't like being in this horrible world anymore. Most people think I'm a happy 16 year old, but nope, I've just spent years hiding everything so well that its impossible for them to tell.

    I've cut again recently, and I'm not proud of it. My mum asked me about them but I told her a dog scratched me and she believed me, because she thinks that I'm not the depressed type, that I wouldn't SH.

    I've been in therapy for a long time but it doesn't help that much, and I'm quite heavily medicated.

    I have little to live for right now, and its hard to fight for nothing to be honest.

    I just hope I can find some help here.


    Thanks and sorry for the post.
     
  2. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    :welcome:

    don't be sorry for posting..and please keep posting. im a new member too..and the people on this site are great. im sure you'll make friends here and have some support. im sorry you are going through a really rough time. Its hard to keep faking a smile while your crying on the inside.. (i know from much experience) and its hard to let people know what is really going on because the truth can be hurtful. I used to cut my sophmore and junior year in highschool. I havent cut in 2 years..=] but sometimes its hard not too. sometimes i still get the urge to cut when im really depressed. but i try my best to fight it. i thought that cutting helped me by turning my emotional pain into physical pain, but it only made me more depressed and suicidal. its not easy to just stop cutting, but i have faith in you. keep going to therapy and talking it out, maybe if the kind of therapy you are seeking isnt working maybe you should try another form of therapy like cbt. just remember..each day is a new day a chance for things to turn around.
     
  3. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Yes keep posting and keep living. If anyone understands what you are going through, we do. I started feeling suicidal at the age of ten. I remember reading anything I could find on the subject.
    I put up a good front as well and no one had a clue about the dark thoughts that were going through my head.

    That was 20 years ago and I'm still here fighting the good fight. Am I over my suicidal feelings? NO. I've had my dark thoughts every now and then but I'm able to manage them better...especially with the aid of some medications and having good people to talk to

    And being here.

    Keep posting and living. PM me if you want.
     
  4. Uulanda

    Uulanda Active Member

    Thank you both for your replies.

    I know its proof that I want to live if I'm still alive, but for how long is what I want to know. How long will I keep living before I just can't bear it?

    Thank you anyway for the responses and sorry for the late reply.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are 16 so young and new medication out there to help you and therapy will help you too. I am glad you are reaching out at such a young age because there is more hope for you get to the root of why you are feeling this way if it is chemical then meds will help if it is emotional then therapy will help. Keep posting okay lots of young people on this site to talk to so you are not alone with this. Lots of older people too that have been where you are and have made it through so hang in there okay lots of people here to help you cope.
     
  6. The Waterside

    The Waterside Banned Member

    if you feel like me then read my thread in suicide forum tilted I have set a date.
     
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Uulanda. I'm sure you'll find the support you need here. I'm also 16, though my birthday's coming soon.

    Violet's right.
     
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Don't listen to The Waterside, Uulanda. He's not thinking straight.
     
  9. Uulanda

    Uulanda Active Member

    Thank you all for your replies.

    I know that I've got lots to look forward to (or at least I'm meant to) but I honestly can't see them. All I can see is that there is a massive percentage chance that before 20 I'll be dead by my own hands... or hospitlized. It just scares me really, it may sound like I'm just over-exaggerating or that I'm just saying it to make things seem worse, but its likely to be honest.

    I know you tell me not to apologise but I still feel bad for taking up everyones time by typing this :/
     
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