......somedays i feel fine like i can actually see the good person staring back from the mirror but slowly each day the smile fades that little bit more. I can not talk to my friends about how much harder it is to do my normal things like work, how each day a bit more life seems to be fading. see my friends think this is all an act. maybe it is, maybe thats all i want is the attention. i dont know anymore but all i know is that i can not ruin christmas for these people so at the moment i am thinking that i know how i will celebrate the new year. See the new year is a new beginning of a new chapter and this year i think i will make it a new chapter. a new chapter into another life if there is such a thing. see part of me does not want to do it but that part is fading each day and i dont know why. my friends see happiness cos thats what they want yo see and what i want them to see...... i dont know. i think i will find out in 3 weeks. 3 weeks for things to improve but i dont see how that can happen in the real world. hey does anyone here know the worm song? i think that is the most ironic song for someone to come up with for kids to sing.