Dont know how much i can take

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lav11, Sep 2, 2011.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    i really dont think i can do this anymore,
    This whole week has just been horrible. Wednesday i went to hospital and got released a few hours later cause i managed to convince the psychiatrist i would be alright.
    Then yesterday i was held in the counsellors building for something like 7 hours before i was permitted to go home because they didnt want to send me to hospital and i couldnt be trusted by myself. I finally was allowed to go home so long as dad constantly was watching me and what not, though the second i got home he spazzed it at me and kicked me out. Called the counsellor said i was being horrible as always and to just send me to hospital. To be honest im over it
    Everything is just going wrong. People keep saying that they are doing this because they care but i dont know, they are doing it because they dont want to feel bad if i died, not because they care.

    And now i was going through things on the internet about ways i could end it all and found one thing that i can get my hands on within minutes and it would be sure to work because it plays on an already existing problem. I dont think ive been happier about anything for so long, but i dont know. Why am i still here instead of going to get it?????

    because i cant be bothered to attempt and wake up feeling that bad again. But i guess its worth a shot hey :dunno:
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    :hug:
     
  3. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Because you don't really want to die, all those things you just talked about, it's obvious, you just want someone to care. I can't believe your father did you that way. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that.

    I'm having the same problem.. I wanted to go to the hospital after my first overdose because I knew if I didn't, that I would OD again, and all they could do was talk to me like I was a peice of shit. I had to sneak out, call 911, and go to the hospital. But it was not before I did OD again. I don't blame my family for this. But there was no compassion whatsover over what I was going through, I was told I would not be allowed to go to therapy or back to my dr appts, I was told how worthless I was, among other things. And all I was asking for was to go get help.

    I will never ever understand how a person could be so uncaring, especially when your already knocked down as bad as you possibly can get, and all they want to do is make it worse.
     
  4. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I think society at large just see us as a lost cause,it's hard to get help and as you both say,when you reach rock bottom it's often met with anger from ambulance crew,doctors and family. How dare we waste their time when they could be dealing with genuinely sick people! HELLO!! we are genuinely sick for fuck sake. How are we supposed to feel better about life and ourselves when we are treated like attention seeking naughty children?
    sorry your having such a rough time of it,your not alone people on here care even if no one else does x
     
  5. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    :hug: thanks everyone. And sorry you guys are feeling like this,
    Ive been in the psych ward like 10 times this year alone and i just hate it, i dont like going and its not because the workers are mean but they are nice. And honestly i dont like the attention. Most the people there know what has previously happened to me and its like they all feel bad for me and i dont like it. I want them to stop pretending to care and let me be. But i know thats not going to happen anytime soon...

    But yer i dunno :sigh:
     
  6. madeline

    madeline Member

    I'm very sorry you are going through this situation. I wish I knew more to say..but this is my first time talking freely about these types of issues :hug:
     
  7. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I see you were online just a minute ago so your trip back to the hospital must not have been long. Sorry you and your dad's relationship is strained. Family members don't always say the right thing. Hopefully you have a friend or relative you can stay with for a while.

    I am really sorry you are having a tough time. I am angry at this corrupt system though. It pisses me off. I want you to be well and happy. I hope you find a better way out of this bad situation you're in than ending your life.
     
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