Hi, I'm Kate (not my real name but anonymity is important so just call me Kate). I am 52 years old and in the last few days I have been considering suicide to be an option, which I had not allowed myself to do before. I have 3 kids who are 21, 17 and 14, and they're really the only reason I'm here now. In September my husband filed for divorce. I have not ever really been alone. I lived with my parents until 17, then in the dorms at college until 19, then with my husband. And since November 15, I have been alone (well, except that I have my kids half the time). I'm not going to lie, I made mistakes, but I didn't think they were enough to cause this. Last Thursday was my 32nd wedding anniversary and I got a message from my husband on Facebook that says "I just got asked out by a 30 year old." Since that time I have been looking up suicide methods online, trying to find one that is not too painful but will be effective. I can't stop crying. I don't want to live like this. It's not fair that he finds a younger woman when we're not even divorced yet and I sit here alone whenever I don't have the kids. Please don't tell me to get a younger boyfriend--I am so not ready to get back into the dating scene. Also, I was born with a birth defect that is visible, and that makes me fear no one else will ever want me. I can't stop the pain and I have to stop it. I missed 2 days of work last week (Thursday and Friday) and I don't want to miss more. I love my kids and I want to stay for them, but I am having trouble finding the strength. I am already on antidepressants and was doing reasonably OK until I was told about being replaced by a younger woman...depressed but managing it. I can't face having him flaunting his younger girlfriend in my face. Before I moved out he had been verbally/emotionally abusive for several years, which is another reason I don't want to be here any more. I have a therapist but all she keeps saying is that I will be better off without him. I don't believe that I am better off alone. I hate it. I feel old and ugly and like no one cares. I have not told anyone in real life that I feel this way because I don't want to be in a locked ward. I'm here because I want to stay for my kids and not hurt them, but I can't seem to stop the pain and I can't live with it either. Thanks.