i really dont know why i keep doing this, trying to pretend to be friends with everyone. the truth is that i am a useless friend and everyone hates me. my online friends (and i use that term losely) hate me, i try to give advice, and it is constantly ignored, and when i try to give it i seem like i am meddling. why do the things others do upset me so much, i hate myself. i have my own burdens but yet i keep on allowing more and more to be added only my back. i just worry soon i will not be able to cope anymore and i will do something bad to myself or the ones i love. and speaking of the ones i love, i worry about if i can cope with things, and if i should even get into a close relationship ever. i can barely cope and i have a habit of pushing people away and changing moods so quickly i worry they will give up on me. hence i try to distance myself, ugh things just seem to be getting out of hand. i also panic about these things so much i made myself physically sick last night, i really dont feel i can cope much longer without cracking. my rl friends have noticed me not being very happy, but dont see it as depression, just me getting miserable. so i dont feel i can tell anyone of my past and things that i do to myself. sometimes i want to cry but no tears will come. i cant help but feel i am a bad person and deserve all this punishment. i am such a loser, i cant do anything right at the moment, and although things in my life are going ok, i just get hurt via my friends. why do i have to take all of this things, why do i have to feel guilty for things that i havent done. why why why. everyone would be better off without me, im no friend to anyone here or anywhere, so i dont see why i should stay here when all i do is upset people and get upset myself. im sure it will kill me soon :sad: p.s. i dont blame others for my stupid ways, i cannot stress that enough, its just upsets me so much.