dont know how much longer i can take it

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wienerman, Oct 29, 2006.

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  1. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    i really dont know why i keep doing this, trying to pretend to be friends with everyone. the truth is that i am a useless friend and everyone hates me.

    my online friends (and i use that term losely) hate me, i try to give advice, and it is constantly ignored, and when i try to give it i seem like i am meddling. why do the things others do upset me so much, i hate myself. i have my own burdens but yet i keep on allowing more and more to be added only my back. i just worry soon i will not be able to cope anymore and i will do something bad to myself or the ones i love. and speaking of the ones i love, i worry about if i can cope with things, and if i should even get into a close relationship ever. i can barely cope and i have a habit of pushing people away and changing moods so quickly i worry they will give up on me. hence i try to distance myself, ugh things just seem to be getting out of hand. i also panic about these things so much i made myself physically sick last night, i really dont feel i can cope much longer without cracking.

    my rl friends have noticed me not being very happy, but dont see it as depression, just me getting miserable. so i dont feel i can tell anyone of my past and things that i do to myself. sometimes i want to cry but no tears will come.

    i cant help but feel i am a bad person and deserve all this punishment. i am such a loser, i cant do anything right at the moment, and although things in my life are going ok, i just get hurt via my friends. why do i have to take all of this things, why do i have to feel guilty for things that i havent done. why why why. everyone would be better off without me, im no friend to anyone here or anywhere, so i dont see why i should stay here when all i do is upset people and get upset myself. im sure it will kill me soon :sad:

    p.s. i dont blame others for my stupid ways, i cannot stress that enough, its just upsets me so much.
     
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    sweetheart, you can distance yourself from everyone here as far as you want, but that's not gonna help. You won't get rid of me ;)

    I'm truly sorry that you feel like this, Alex. And I wish there was something I could do :sad: All I can do is send you tons and tons of virtual hugs and kisses. And tell you how much I love you.

    I'm always here for you Alex, never forget that.
    Love,
    xxx
    Est
     
  3. Jess

    Jess Guest

    First off. Thanks for last night. YOU ARE NOT A USELESS FRIEND AT ALL! I mean that. You've been friends with me all this time through bad and pretty good times. Please please please know how much you mean to me hun. I don't want you feeling bad at all. You don't deserve it one bit. please take care. I'm around if ya need me :hug: don't hesitate
     
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Alex - you know what I said over MSN :)

    We care for you, you're worthy of support :)
    Granted, we haven't talked much, but that doesn't matter - I'm here for ya if you need support or just a chat :)

    Hang in there Alex :)

    Joe
     
  5. i listen and talk with you this morning, sometimes all we need is to talk... we know the ansers but to have a sounding board, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on... and there you where
    thanks
     
  6. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry about everything hun :( :hug: :hug: :hug:
    You are a great guy, and I wish what we do didn't hurt you so bad :(
    I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said. I'm here, ok, and I do like talking to you :hug:
    I hope it works out for you :hug:

    Lauren
     
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Alex your not a useless friend to anyone here, i know you give advice and it is good, but in a place like this people don't allways listen. I know you was kinda concerned bout me being upset and you said you didn't wanna leave me when i was like that, to me that just shows how much you care for me and for anyone here. I consider you a friend, I wouldn't of told you what was upsetting me if i didn't, your not useless hun and you should never feel like that because everyone can see its not true except you.

    You know where i am if you ever need to talk hun, you've said i can talk to you about anything, the same goes for you. Everything i've just said i mean and you know i wouldn't say it if i didn't mean it hun.

    Please take care

    Vik xxx

    :hug:
     
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry I haven't been online much and when I have been online, you haven't because of the recent happenings but I have told you in the past if you want to chat anytime, even if it's during the night you can phone or text me and I meant it. I think of you as a friend, and I don't like seeing you upset or down.

    You're not a useless friend and not everyone hates you at all. Infact, a lot of people online like you and I can't talk for your friends but if they hang around with you then they must like you too.

    I'm sure your advice is appreciated, and even if the other person doesn't follow the advice you've given, it doesn't mean your advice is rubbish or anything of the sort... sometimes it's down to situation and it's all well and good for us to say some things and suggest things to people but when it comes down to it, it can be difficult. For example, the number of times I've replied to threads suggesting ideas that I know I need to do for myself, but I haven't done them and I can see why it would be difficult for the other person also. Putting words into actions can be difficult. I'm not sure if this is making sense but what I'm just trying to say is none of it is your fault and you shouldn't feel bad about giving out advice because it will be appreciated by the other person, no matter how rubbish you think it is. :hug:

    Relationships can be scary things and when you push people away it can be difficult to be in a relationship but the first thing you need to have is trust between the two people. You deserve to be happy and I'm sure that the right girl will come along and will love you for who you are. You're a nice guy, Alex, people do care about you on and offline and I hope you'll come to realise just how lovely you are. :hug:
     
  9. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    to be honest, i was feeling a bit better last night and this morning. however ive just gone back to feeling like total shit, because of a convo i had with someone here. well i kind of set myself up for it but i stopped the convo before i got much worse. you know who you are, and i dont blame you for talking to me about it, i should have asked for the subject to be changed a lot earlier than i did, but you were there for me when i was feeling bad and for that i am greatful, so dont feel bad for triggering me.

    i cant seem to shake this feeling of guilt and that things will just get out of hand, but i guess i have to put up with it :(:(:(:cry::cry::cry:
     
  10. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Al, that's complete bollocks. You're a great friend and have helped me countless times.



    Lizzzzzzzzzzzzzeh xxxxxxx
     
  11. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    whats complete bollocks? :unsure:
     
  12. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    That everyone hates Alex
     
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    ooo ok, yeah i agree

    Alex :hug: sorry........thats all i can say :sad:
     
  14. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    you have done nothing wrong, you have no reason to appologise to me, you have been wonderful to me recently
     
  15. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You are a very nice caring person and I value you as a person, friend and SF member. I am sorry you are feeling so bad I wish I could change the way you feel, it must be awful. But you aren't bad or not liked....you are cared about here and you are great, you should try and remember all the good you do makes you a good person, and that you shouldn't hate yourself.



    Take care hun, keep your chin up, if you need to talk just message me on MSN, I missed talking with you. Hope to speak with you again soon sweetie. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:



    :handinhan



    ~With love,
    Carolyn~
     
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm yeah I know that question... will I last another day or another year... or will I just stop now.

    The truth is that I have no RL friends... well ones I trust. So I throw up a facade and come here. I know that I try to value all advice given and I try to give out good advice.

    Believe me when I say I can relate to taking on others issues. I have since stopped doing it part of my facade is that I do not care if you die tomarrow. That keeps people at bay. Though I make one point of just listening and giving advice based on what I hear. Then that is the end of it. If a person comes to me for advice I listen and then I give them advice and that is the end of my involvment with them. You should try that out.

    It is hard to say who is being punished I feel I am being punished... but I am not sure for what? I think back when I was younger I was punished for being an individual. Now I am being punished for... well I don't know what. I try to be a good person I try to care I try to smile and laugh but I cannot. Because everyday I am reminded that people want nothing to do with me. I don't know if this is helping any. Everyday I am punished for being myself. People tell me to just change... but then what have the past 21 years of my life been for?

    So you just need to calm down and stop taking on the burden of others... that is what I did. And I feel a little better. When I had problems I just come to the net and shout them in the vauge hope that someone hears them. Then I embrace my fears to the maximum.... like my fear of getting a sex offender charge put on me or a female using me to get pregnant.... I embrace them as the truth and I hide knowing I am safe.
     
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