that I can hang on. I'm so tired and starting to feel dead. I should be happy because I finally have a job again but I'm not and everything is just crashing down around me. I woke up in a fowl mood today and it has only gone down hill since. Having a hard time even sitting in chat today because it seems like even innocent little comments are triggering horrible thoughts, feelings and self harm issues. I don't want to fight this fight anymore. I feel worthless, like no one cares, no one would miss me, dirty because of flashbacks and memories, I just don't know how much longer I can continue fighting a battle that I lost many years ago. I just want to not deal anymore, i want to put my plan into action and not have to feel anything anymore. Tonight would be a good night for that because I am alone and will be until tomorrow afternoon. Who would even notice, who would miss me? No one. I am forever going to be alone both in the time that I have left on this planet as well as after I am gone. At least then I hope to be with two people that I love and miss so much, I know they loved me but were taken from me. This thing we call life sucks and I'm done caring, done trying, and done hurting. I can't do this anymore.