Don't Know How Much More I Can Take...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Apr 14, 2012.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am plagued by suicidal thoughts. They are constantly hammering at me, breaking me down. I am sinking deeper and deeper. I could go ask for help, sure, but the numerous amount of times I tried before, nothing was done. Psychs don't care if I say I am suicidal, so why should I care? I am getting to the point where I am not fearful of death. I have a method, I have had it for months as a sort of comfort just incase things turned bad. I have a date in mind also. I just don't care. I need inner peace and this is the only way I can possibly achieve it. I'm not scared, it is comforting. I just need to be 100% sure and I am not quite there yet. I just know that if I tried to reach out for help, and I was knocked back again. That would be it. I am the girl who has everything but happiness, what is the point of living if it is impossible for me to be happy?
     
  2. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Please stick in there. I know how worried you must be about the reactions or responses of asking for help. But their reactions and responses do not need to define how you react. Please hang in there. If someone doesn't listen... try and try again. You deserve that help.
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way...I do know what it is like to fight the system and it is awful...when I was in a nursing home, I was left to rot, until I finally got so angry, they could not ignore me...anytime you want some of my fire, just yell across the pond...and if you want, when you get to the appointment, put Brooklyn on the phone...I am relentless, as you know...care so much about you...and wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug IRL
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Why should I bother when I have tried for so long to get people to listen. It doesn't get better for me. It only gets worse.
     
  5. Lexi, don't give up.. Keep trying to find someone who will listen to you with care and concern.. :hug:
     
  6. HollowRhythms

    HollowRhythms Well-Known Member

    hiya lexi :hug:

    i'm not too sure what to say, i hope you can find someone who you can understand, and be helpful. i'm sorry ppl seem like they really dont care sometimes. . I really hope you find your way hon. . if you ever need to talk, can pm anytime you like. i care bout you.

    ~amanda
     
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I will give them Brooklyn, like I threatened b4...they listen then!!!
     
  8. troubledprincess

    troubledprincess Well-Known Member

    hey lexi
    please stay strong u can fight this u have helped me lots in the past u are kind and caring.
    so many people care about u just think of all the hard work u u are doing to become a nurse
    if u ever need a chat my inbox is always open hun tc
    sarah
     
  9. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    Lexi-hon... :hug: Keep moving forward, and when you get fed up with the stupidity, come to SF and rant it up! We're here listening.
     
  10. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Please hang in there and try to find that one that will listen because they are there.I know suicidle thoughts are very draining i suffer them quite alot yet after several different councillers and docs i have found a couple that give a shit.Gets pretty stressful i know but keep fighting and you get there.
     
  11. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't want to keep trying. This is where trying has got me, in a worse place than when I started.
     
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How so, Lexi? Maybe it is time to call a meeting of your providers and get a more comprehensive approach to how you are doing? And Brooklyn can always be there by a conference call
     
  13. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It's worse for many reasons. The first is nothing has changed. The second is my moods are more unpredictable and unstable. The third is the suicidal thoughts are more dangerous than they have ever been before.

    I don't want to see my care providers. They took no notice when I made a serious suicide attempt and passed out for a few hours then woke up and their only response is to send me for a blood test and the fact they take no notice every time I shove needles in my veins to bleed. I couldn't make my last appointment which I waited months for because they are so fucking incompetent and I haven't heard anything since so I figure they couldn't care less.
     
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