I am plagued by suicidal thoughts. They are constantly hammering at me, breaking me down. I am sinking deeper and deeper. I could go ask for help, sure, but the numerous amount of times I tried before, nothing was done. Psychs don't care if I say I am suicidal, so why should I care? I am getting to the point where I am not fearful of death. I have a method, I have had it for months as a sort of comfort just incase things turned bad. I have a date in mind also. I just don't care. I need inner peace and this is the only way I can possibly achieve it. I'm not scared, it is comforting. I just need to be 100% sure and I am not quite there yet. I just know that if I tried to reach out for help, and I was knocked back again. That would be it. I am the girl who has everything but happiness, what is the point of living if it is impossible for me to be happy?