I do not know what to do or where to turn . There is nobody who can help me . I am alone in this world . I am dealing with so much . Nothing is right . Everything is a mess . I go to bed at night and lie awake for hours worrying about money and bills and dealing with the pain of my relationship breakdown and missing the place I called home for 10 years . I pine for home and my ex and my old life all day . I am exhausted I cant eat I cant stop crying . Every day is a living hell . I just want to go to sleep and not wake up . I wake up on a morning and its like the pain hits me all over again . The only person I had in my life to talk to and turn to is the one person I cant talk to or turn to . The only person who makes everything better and I want to run to when I am upset is the same person who is the reason I am in so much pain and isn't there for me to run too . I feel suicidal although I know even this isn't an option for me because I'm too scared to even attempt it. I just cant see a way out of all this mess . I have to work because I cant afford to live , even working I am still struggling and financially I would be crippled if I was on the sick but I feel unable to get out of bed most days let alone leave the flat . I just want a rest from the hurt and the worry and the pain and heartache . I want some peace but there is none .