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don't know how to do this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Mar 25, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    don't know how to cope with the pain anymore

    another crappy night's sleep now crying non-stop for an hour, don't even know the reason

    feels like the pain has embedded itself so deeply that it will never go away

    i'm so brittle right now, like i've turned to glass

    tired of the hurt

    tired of the tears

    tired of being tired
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm completely useless these days, but please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
  3. Theone

    Theone Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, it never makes sense.... But they say it gets better...
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't want to do anything but i have to move some furniture into the basement

    maybe i'll get lucky and break my neck falling down the stairs
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    wish i knew what the hell is wrong with me

    suddenly the world is full of emotional landmines

    i see something or hear something or get a random thought and it just sprials me down - i shouldn't leave the house - i should lock myself into a little soundproof box with no light - i've heard dirt makes good soundproofing
  6. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    what about business meetings and sorting out all of those pesky fountains!!!!

    they need to be sorted. :p

    i wish i knew how to help you, just some quick fix that will sort things out forever but in a way, and i hate saying this, things work out eventually.
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    how are you doing? I am here for you ya know.

    we fall into deep holes but please know you are not alone and we are here to help you get through..you are such a deserving soul I know life is gonna pay off rewards to you soon.

    love Bambi
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't deserve anything - i'm nothing

    just leave me in the bottom of the hole and fill it in

    i'm tired of looking up from the bottom and seeing nothing but darkness
  9. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    :hug: we will NEVER do that!!!
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry, i never should have said that

    i collapse the dirt myself
  11. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    hey dude, talk to me?
  12. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    im sorry but im going to be mean now..

    echo you are to damn depressed to see even the slightest possebility of helping yourself. you are to depressed to see anything good in yourself, you keep telling us how worthless you are. we dont believe a word of it no mather how long you will keep repeating yourself.
    i urge you no matter how hard and cruel i may sound to please start right now to teach yourself to talk about hte things that borther you. have you taken any measurements to help yourself ? have you tried to talk on skype with any of your friends which you have plenty here at SF ?
    in your current state you are only able to hear what you want hear, and the couple things what you do want to hear isnt going to help you in any way.
    nobody here wants to see you in this condition. you have become one of SF's most populair members here in the last couple months. everyone knows your current condition and still you are able to help OTHERS. pls help yourself now. you dont realy want to die, we dont want you to die nobody wants you to die. i hate to see you in this condition. i am sure there are many members here willing to talk to you. you do not have to talk right away about your problems but at least learn yourself to talk to some fellow members here that are in a similair situation or even better go see a psychiatrist (yes yes i know). do you have skype installed ? i have seen plenty offers from members here willing to talk to you because they all care, have you taken any of their offers? we could also talk but i am not a native english speaker i would love to help you.
    i am sorry my post was so harsh but i realy believe you must get some things of your chest and this can only be done by talking.
    help yourself buddy!

    now for this harsh post: :i'm sorry:
  13. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    echo, i agree with flyingdutchmen. what you keep repeating is what you want to hear, and that isn't going to help you. stop listening to that voice, stop listening to yourself. listen to us. talk to us. let us help you. no one likes seeing you like this, knowing you're in pain :hug:
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you're not being mean - you're being honest

    the "thinking" part of me knows that i must have some small spec of value somewhere but the "emotional" part can't find it right now

    i can't handle a chat room - there's no way i would be able to function on skype - not when i'm the topic of conversation because i actually hate myself don't even want to think about me sometimes

    i am not an optimist or a positive person by nature which doesn't help

    about the only thing in my favor at this point is that my primary method is locked away in an office building in New Jersey that i'm not even allowed into unescorted at this time
  15. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Echo please keep posting and get that crap out of your head, it is your illness talking to you and we are here for you.

    Please know you are loved and cared for by all of us so keep talking and try and hold on to the small part of you that says "live" and that you are worth it...you have given so much please let our love it at this time...hugs hugs hugs my dear friend
  16. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Echo i have problems believing that the only reason that you are still alive is because your method is locked away in a office building, there are some many more methods if one would not want to be alive anymore.
    i also have problems believing that you realy want to die. i think you want the pain to go away and be able to have a somewhat 'normal' life and i still believe this can be achieved, but not without your help.
    you are not an optimist ? HELLO BUDDY :blink: you are heavy depressed how would it be possible to be an optimist in this situation ? do you believe i am an optimist ?

    i am far from an being a psychiatrist but i think you must do 3 things asap
    1. Start talking no matter if you like it or not
    2. accept that you have limitations and i am not talking about 'knowing' but ACCEPT your illness which will make it easyer to stop blaming yourself for everything which goes wrong in your life/work
    3. do it. right away, both points above without questioning

    people here know how hard it is for you to talk do you realy believe they will question you right away about your problems ? i dont. just mention it that you cant right away but pls start SOMEWHERE right away.
    talking about other subjects to members in similair conditions can make you feel different allready

    do us and yourself a favour just install the software (skype) and let one of us ring you

    you are in a hole where you can and will not get out if you do not start to help yourself right away and this is not what we want
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i can't handle a human voice right now - i've tried it already and it doesn't do any good for me to call or be called if all i can do is cry on the other side of the line - especially with family in the house

    the fact that my PREFERRED method is locked away does not mean that i already don't have other methods in place - i'm not going to go down the list because they should not be part of this forum - some involve items already in my home and some involve items readily available close by

    what's stopping me right now, this second is that i cannot think enough to figure where i could go and not be found long enough for it to work

    everyone thinks they know me

    so you don't think i want to die?

    don't hold your breath waiting for another post
  18. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    i sure hope not! you are way to valuable to be not around anymore.
    i dont think that i know you Echo but from what i have read from you it is obvious you are suffering alot which makes it hard for me and others to see you not helping yourself.
    i still hope you find a way to help yourself to reduce the pains without harming yourself in any way, and i dont mean suicide
  19. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    cherry nyquil tastes like crap
  20. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Oh Echo :console:

    I'm so worried about you. You've been on my mind since first thing this morning. I've kept your thread open but hard as I try, i cannot write...i'm not feeling well at all (physically) but i keep trying and trying to respond to you and reach out to you and i can't do it...just sitting is not easy. too weak.

    please don't do anything...please. *******HUGS*******

    as soon as i get a grip on this you will hear from me.

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    I'm sorry you hurting so much.
    can you talk...just break that darn barrier and tell us what is in that head of yours...yeah? ***hugs***

    What the hell with this don't hold your breath stuff? huh? i am confused. I know you want to die, i hear you, i hear you. ***HUGS*** I know.

    Can't you share what's in your head? Can you go for a walk (go for a drive and park the car) and talk on the phone to someone and cry...it may be good for you to cry... it's not like having someone there to hold you and comfort you, but at least the person on the phone will hear you and be there for you and you can get some of the pain out? Yeah? Perhaps worth trying? i just hope whoever you call will simply listen and accept and not try to feed you a bunch of advice...advice maybe later...right now i don't think that is quite going to work or quite what is needed. Is there someone you feel comfortable or semi comfortable with? Can you p.m. for a number?

    HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!! :hug:

    I CARE ABOUT YOU ...and i feel ***tears*** so helpless
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