Don't know how to go on when hope to be a man is lost.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Feb 8, 2014.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Like most people in the world I grew up wanting to achieve. To find a career, find a woman, start a family and and live a happy life. I expected hindrances, but not walls.

    Genetics is a heartless bitch...

    It is because of genetics that I never got a fair chance. It is because of the lack of athletic genetics that I never got a chance.

    If you are a male, you grow up judged by your athleticism. If you are an athlete, people love you. The other children follow your lead. The authority figures protect you... or let you be evil.

    Because I wasn't I was the target of bullying every fucking place I went. I would say the biggest lesson I learned in my childhood was how people like Hitler can become leaders. Because people will side with him if they see one fucking gentic trait they like. I was constantly put down my whole life... and because of it I am hopeless.

    I will never be comfortable in a social situation. That fucking bully was always popular everwhere he goes, despite being cut from the same mold as Adolf Hitler or Osama Bin Laden. I will never be comfortable around pretty girls... while he was genetically blessed with everything needed to impress them.

    Worst of all... IS I am going to be a leech.

    I am stupid... probably bottom 10% of the world as far as intelegence goes. Probably in the bottom 5 if you remove those with severe disabilities. My ceiling appears to be the very jobs I spent my life working my ass off to avoid...

    But as always I have to work 3x as hard to accomplish half as much as anyone... what fucking kind of life is that if I dont' get the time to enjoy anything? There is only so much hard work can do if you just aren't genetically blessed with any talent.

    I was called stupid my whole damned life... I have proven them right.

    I was called a loser my whole damned life... I have proven them right despite my best efforts.

    Whatever controls genetics... be it god or randomness decided to give a freaking hitler reincarnation everything that should have gone to a good person. And he beat the shit out of me mentally and attacked my physically at one point.

    My own fucking family knows I am a failure...

    I have no hope... I don't know how long I can hold on for others knowing all my won dremas are dead.

    A man does not leech off of his family... he provides.

    A man does not fail constantly... he rises above challenges.

    A man does not withdrawl he fights.

    A man rises... and learns over time.

    I am never going to be a man.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2014
  2. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Hello,

    I am sorry to hear that you were bullied when you were younger and constantly put down. That must be awful for you and make you feel really crap! Have you ever felt like talking to somebody like a counsellor or therapist? I see you carry a lot of negative thoughts on you. You wrote what a "man does" but not all men are the same, there all different. Not everyone is perfect, in fact nobody is! You need to gain more confidence and faith in yourself. I don't know how you can do that but I'm sure youll find a way!
    Stay strong!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    and all those sayings you have written down are bs hun they are

    you are who you are and people can and will accept you for YOU ok hugs
     
  4. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    hey man, you have told my life story almost to a T... i too have no self confidence and the loser complex... why it has stuck with me my whole life i do not know... doesnt matter what other people tell me, it will always be there. i guess some of us are cut from the cloth but our piece has fallen on the floor and gets stepped on continuously. all i can say is we are in the same boat and i can offer support, whether it helps i dont know. all i can do is offer it up... we all have shitty lives and wish it never happened, bottom line is, what can we do? how can we fix it? what will it take to lose that stigma of feeling like a loser? i dont know yet, but i am going to take the steps to try.... can you try?
     
  5. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    I have... but the last few days have shown me there is no recovery from something like that. There is no justice for them... and they will continue to rise in the world while I am crushed unde

    Who I am is worthless... maybe I am a nice guy... but that does nothing for my ability to succeed.

    Im sorry another had to live this life.
     
  6. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Any psychologist could tell you (I hope) that there is no such thing as a person with no talent/particular skill. You just haven't found it yet, or you did but don't know it. Find a passion and live for it, or find a passion you could live for. That's as far as I got too :)
     
  7. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Maybe I am the 1st...

    The only passions I have ever known is competition... specifically sporting events. But I was never good enough to succeed there.
     
  8. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    i am sorry that you had to go through that. it is not fair that the bullies do not get what they deserve. i hate bullies. they make me sick.
    they are relentless in trying to destroying people, and sometimes they do.
    i feel like a loser myself, and also feel like a total failure.
    again i am sorry.
    nobody deserves to be treated that way.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2014
  9. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Gah...

    I can't even look at my resume without feeling triggered.

    I worked my whole fucking life to avoid being in this very predicament...
     
  10. Toobler

    Toobler Member

    You think you're stupid and that you have no talent, yet the way your OP is written almost certainly disproves that assumption on both counts. You seem to me to be both eloquent and poetic. How many of the dumbasses who have picked on you during your life do you imagine could even string two coherent sentences together without dribbling on their shoes, let alone put a piece of writing together like you just did? There are a million and one different ways to "be a man" (if indeed that, in itself, really means anything anyway) and it certainly isn't as simple as being solely reduced to how bottom end mainstream society might define it. Low self esteem is a bitch, especially when you've been kicked when you're down by others in the past, but that doesn't reflect the reality of the situation. Some of the worlds greatest geniuses still consider themselves to be worthless, despite being revered by others.

    That being said, I know how hard it is to try to find a worthwhile outlet, or path towards an area in which you may be able to shine, but that doesn't mean it isn't there somewhere. I can see from one post that you're not stupid or worthless, as I am sure will many others. Maybe you should write - it's supposed to be an excellent therapy - and you obviously have somewhat of a talent for it. Perhaps write about these morons who have given you crap in your life. Between your mind and a piece of paper they can, and will be nothing more than however you choose to depict them.

    Don't give up bud. You ARE worth more than that, however low you might feel at this point in life.

    Peace x
     
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