Don't know how to keep going through life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TinyTrooper, Aug 13, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. TinyTrooper

    TinyTrooper Member

    I've had suicidal thoughts for years now but they just keep getting worse and worse. I try to talk to people but they never take me seriously at all. What am I supposed to do when no one wants to help me? I read things online that say suicide isn't the answer but I don't see why not. It will just make everything go away. I can't live at a place where I constantly am yelled at. I am a twin but I'm always treated as the lesser child, the one that no one cares about or loves. I feel like this makes me seek love from guys but how many do I need until I can be happy? It never truly makes me happy. I feel like I'm living a lie, always trying to be a different kind of person so that maybe people will like and accept me. I can never be myself. On top of all of my depressed feelings I also have health problems where I have to be on a blood thinner for the rest of my life. Constant blood work and feeling sick is wearing on me. I'm 22, I barely have friends but I can't even drink and try to meet people like normal people do. I don't know, I'm sorry for this rant. I just don't know how to feel better.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    tiny trooper, that is the hardest... it really is!. trying to tell someone how you feel and what's wrong, and they either walk away, laugh in your face, what ever.. sometimes even the change the subject.

    what's baught you to these thoughts?

    maybe you can tell us and we can give you suggestions on how to improve that situation
  3. darkdays

    darkdays Active Member

    Hey Tiny Trooper, sorry you're having a rough time of it. I just wanted to tell you that true happiness doesn't come from a bottle (that's for damn sure!) or from other people, it comes from within. How do you think all those billionaires and movie stars can be so miserable? They've got nothing, and they know it! So you want to know how to feel better? I can't help you, at least not yet, because I know nothing about you. Would you let a psychiatrist diagnose you based solely on the information that you are miserable? You say you are depressed but why? Is it only because your twin gets all the attention. Who is yelling at you? It may seem like a hard and scary thing to do, but tell them to shut the fuck up! You don't have to put up with it. I could give you a bunch of hoary little chestnuts, like: to thine own self be true, but I am sure you've heard them all before. Just remember, especially when you are thinking about ending your life,there are always other choices, and when we think that suicide is the only viable option, it is usually because it is the easier option, if only a little more so. Living and facing our problems, standing up for ourselves and making a positive change, at least for me, is always the harder, scarier choice, but sometimes it's the choice we have to make if we want to be happy. As for suicide? I hope you don't do it. Suicide isn't ever a sure bet. I could tell you stories about people who thought that death would be an improvement, but ended up in a state far worse than death. You don't say whether you've seen a psychiatrist or a therapist yet. If nothing else, keep coming back here and talking to us. We care, we're taking you seriously, and we're definitely listening.
  4. TinyTrooper

    TinyTrooper Member

    Thank you both, it has just been really difficult for me to talk to people since everyone I try to talk to doesn't listen. I haven't been to any kind of therapist. Every time I mention it to my mom she thinks I'm looking for attention or just doesn't believe me. I want to get help but it's hard to find it. I have up and down days, some are okay and some I just think about suicide. I know it is the easier option, maybe not the best one, but I also think it may be the best decision for people around me. They would probably be happier without me around.
  5. darkdays

    darkdays Active Member

    It is more likely that they would be beating themselves up for not taking you more seriously. As for that tired old refrain about how everyone would be better off without us that we depressed people know and love, we could all get together and write a song with that as the chorus: everyone would be better off without me, might as well go feed the worms. That's not you talking, it's the depression. Life hasn't always been like this, life isn't always going to be like this. You have such a great future waiting for you, all you have to do is reach out and seize it. No, life won't always be sunshine and roses but I believe you're up for the challenge. You're tough, you're strong, you wouldn't still be here if you weren't. Brace yourself for the challenge, hell get pissed off at your family, get pissed off at the world if that's what it takes to survive. and when the future, which is a big unknown to everyone, gets to frightening to face, talk to us. The alternative to living is not living. In the one, if things go badly, you get to try again. In the other, not so much.
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi there.

    I don't know what the "twin feeling" is like - but I'd recommend that you could consider seeking therapy on your own. You are an adult - so your mum doesn't have any rights to dictate to you not to at least try. It could be more beneficial - and although it's a pain in the ass with family who don't seem to want to accept you have troubles - it is up to you not them.

    You can't force them to listen to you or understand you. But they cannot force you to be someone you're not. It would be better for you to be yourself, and not try to "be someone else to fit in" - I can relate to trying to fit in too.

    To go and socialise - you do not need to necessarily drink alcoholic beverages. Ok, so a number of people in the world around us go for a friday night "knees-up", but you can still have a good time without.

    Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could look into persuing? (maybe finding a local group for something YOU enjoy - as a way of having something in common with someone else?)
  7. TinyTrooper

    TinyTrooper Member

    Thank you, I've been trying to find local type group things but it's always been hard with my interests. I love to paint figures though and find it very calming so I purchased more stuff I can do with that, but I just always feel more comfortable alone, but being alone so often also isn't helping with my depression :/ I'm thankful I found this forum already though. It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling and that people want to help.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.