Dont know if I should go on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tk421, Dec 10, 2010.

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  1. tk421

    tk421 Member

    I'm a 15 year old high schooler, turning 16 in january. I dont know where my life is at right now. Last year I had a great year, everything was all good and I had friends who supported me, and was really succesfful, I was president of the school and had great grades and went to state in sports. Now, my parents have put a leash on my neck and took me out of school to be homeschooled online and away from people. I know there's no escape and they spent tons of money just for me to be homeschooled online, when I really just didnt want it. I dont want to waste money because they say that if I do fail I'm going to have to repeate the grade and go to a shitty school nearby. After this, all stuff went downhill. I lost a girl who I actually first thought liked me for once, then she goes out and cheats on me cuz I dont go to the same school.
    I recently have been doing horrible at school and I screw up my work all the time and my parents dont trust me with anything anymore. I apologize and they dont ever forgive me and always yell at me to the point where I would just cry all the time. They are never calm and I always feel like they dont even love me anymore, and I'm just a money burden/ We barely have any money and my parents dont want to send me to public school, and even when I told them I did they said I would repeat a grade, regardless if my grades were good or not.
    My brother is also recently under house arrest and my parents had to spend even more money getting him a good lawyer. All I want to do is please my parents and help them with money the best way I can but I keep failing my classes and they hate me for it.
    And now I get calls from my "So called" friends who say they are happier now that I'm out of the school, and the girl that liked me spread a bunch of bad rumors. Theres a school dance tonight and I cant go cuz of my parents yelling at me for not working hard enough, when I just made little mistakes and plan on fixing them. They wont even let me play guitar or just enjoy life, they're locking me in a room with my books to study the rest of my high school days. I'm not a bad student, just this method of getting taught is so mother fukcing hard.
    I'm contemplating suicide because I feel like my parents hate me and I'm just too much money for them.
    Please help me...I'm already hurting myself
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    welcome. is there any way you can talk to your parents or another adult about your thoughts of suicide? do you think they'd be receptive? it would help them understand why you are struggling so much in school this semester. it's hard to concentrate on school when your mental health is in such disarray. you need to get some professional supports, and by the sounds of things you need help sooner rather than later. are you in touch with any teachers from your old school? could you approach one of them? in the meantime, don't do anything rash. keep posting here and you could even try one of the suicide hotlines. it's totally anonymous and you'll get alot of support.
     
  3. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    TK421, why aren't you at your post? TK421 do you copy?

    haha love your name.

    Why did your parents decide to home school you?
     
  4. tk421

    tk421 Member

    My parents decided to homeschool me because they didnt like the books at my old school, they meantioned sex like 4 times in the book and they really over react. My parents are super dramatic
     
  5. tk421

    tk421 Member



    They wanted to take me out cuz there was a book that mentioned sex. My parents are really over dramatic
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

  7. tk421

    tk421 Member

  8. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    Sounds quite conservative of them. This ain't the 1950's anymore. People talk about sex. Have you explained to them how hard this method of schooling is on you and emphasized how your grades have fallen since you started home schooling?
     
  9. tk421

    tk421 Member

    And I dont think I could let my parents know about what I'm feeling; they wouldnt listen anyway, although I've given them clear signs...
     
  10. tk421

    tk421 Member


    Yes..They dont listen to anything I say and they said they cant get a refund so they say I have to deal with it...and if I fail they are gona make me repeate and repeate so i suffer.
     
  11. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    If you fail it's not your parents that are going to make you repeat, the school will.

    You said you're locked in a room with your books. You're not like literally locked up and held captive are you?

    Also, "clear signs" to how you're feeling may not be so clear to others. Sometimes people just see what they want to see.
     
  12. tk421

    tk421 Member

    Idk what to do :(
     
  13. tk421

    tk421 Member


    I cant get out; its a hard transition from such a high social life then it all goes down the drain.

    I've actually told them I'm contemplating suicide and need help but they just tell me to grow up...which makes me want to do it even more.
     
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    for now just don't hurt yourself. we'll help you figure it out. important thing is to hang on.
     
  15. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    HI TK,
    Can I just clarify a couple of things before I offer any advice?
    Your parents took you out of school because one of the books there mentioned sex?
    Are your parents very religious?
    You say that your brother is under house arrest and they've had to get him a lawyer? Is he under house arrest by the police because he's done something wrong or did your parents put him under house arrest?
    Have your brothers actions influenced your parents decision to take you out of school?
    Finally, have you seen a doctor to discuss how you're feeling mentally?
    You can get through this TK, it might not seem like it but you can. We can help by sharing coping strategies and giving advice but I need the info above first.
    Sending hugs,
    xxxx
     
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