Dont know if this is important enough...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by xxcollxx, Oct 20, 2007.

  1. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Hey, I need help.
    I have had some awful relationships in the past and some bad things have happened to me, however I have come through them and now I have a partner of 2 and a half years and we just got engaged.
    I have a problem though, we have decided to tell our parents at christmas but I am 20 and although we are not getting married until 2009, I am worried about telling my mum. She was married when she was 20 and has been married three times since. She has always been very controlling and at times she can be quite nasty with it, I feel that when she finds out she will disapprove and get very nasty towards me. I am currently at University and completing my Year Abroad, which means that a lot of my possessions are still at her house and I fear that she may throw them out or something similar. I just dont know how to bring it up, I am quite scared of her and I just dont know what to say.
    I know this problem seems stupid compared to some of the others on here but it is really bothering me and I need help.
  2. english_summer_rain

    english_summer_rain New Member


    I don't think it's a stupid problem - getting married is a huge decision, and not knowing how your friends and family will react can be pretty scary.

    If you've been together for 2 1/2 years, you've probably introduced your partner to your mum - do they get along? Does our mum like him/her?

    I would perhaps introduce the idea slowly - talk to your mum about how happy you are together, how you think this could be the one, etc. Your mum may feel that you're too young, especially since she married young and it didn't work out. Reassure her that you're taking it slowly - which, by the way, is great - and find ways to show her that she'll still be a part of your life.

    As far as your possessions go - if you're genuinely worried she'll do something like that (I imagine that as you introduce the idea, you'll get a feel for how she feels about it), wait until you have a place of your own so you can get your things.

    I'm pretty sure it's not healthy to be that afraid of your mum - not meaning that you shouldn't be, but rather that the relationship itself doesn't sound great. If you and your mum don't normally get along, and you get the impression she isn't going to approve, perhaps it's worth considering what this is your decision. While her approval would be nice, if she withholds it in order to control you, her approval might not be worth pursuing.