don't know what is happening

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Starlite, Oct 6, 2008.

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  1. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Since my attempt at suicide...i haven't had any good days. I just want to be left alone! Want help too but alone too. I don't make any sense. I pull people close, then push them so far away! Right now I just want to scream! I have had alot of thoughts rushing through my head and one most recent one is I GIVE UP! my life means sh*t! And I believe it too! I don't feel like i mean anything to anyone right now.. and i really don't care. I feel like i am almost so close to attempting again but would I..i don't know..could I ..sure i could. will i tell anyone ..probably not.

    sigh....where have i gone? Where is that person i once was? Ugh...
  2. Temptress

    Temptress Member

    I understand where you're coming from Starlite.
    Have you thought about starting from scratch again... but alone.

    Sometimes when you want to start on the ladder to getting better and you think "I'm going to need help with this.. but I can't face anybody, I can't face their help".
    The first person to help you - could be you.

    Lately I've been telling myself how strong I am, convince myself I am a soldier, use all that energy that is being sucked out of me being depressed and unhappy and turn it into a huge bolt of anger and direct it at my depression.
    I'm trying to see my depression as someone or something I am fighting who is otherwise going to kick my ass, and writing down several points of attack each month to help me beat him/her/it.

    Once I've built up my strength I can ask for others help.

    I know - sounds like a video game, but it's helping.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey sweetie!I am here if you need to talk :hug:
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please talk to me hun. Always know that we're here to help. :hug:
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