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Dont know what to do anymore....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by t101, Mar 7, 2008.

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  1. t101

    t101 Guest

    im seriously dont know wat to do in my life anymore. i feel that it is pointless, i am 20 years old, male. i never even had a female friend, and i dont think im ugly, i think its mainly because i am extremely shy and just cant talk to girls.

    but what i find even worst is that i am failing school, and i am dissapointed because my parents are dissapointed. they have given me everything and paying for my education and i have failed them, and i just dont believe im a smart guy and have any good future ahead of me. im a boring person, which reflects the reason why i have virtually no friends, i live a boring life and i dissapoint my parents and i really just think theyde be better off with me gone.
  2. MrLee

    MrLee Member

    Hi, Im new here, but i hope my advice gives you some help.
    I'm currently going through a rough patch, and I felt like I had let everyone down.

    I've never got on with my parents since they divorced many years ago, but after a recent incident when they thought I'd tried to hang myself, it showed me how much they really do care, I was just to stressed to notice how much they really loved me.
    I don't have a great social life atm, most of my friends got into drugs so i tried to stay away from them.

    Before you do anything like trying to take your own life, I suggest you sit down with your parents or someone at school, im sure they have a nurse or someone whom is willing to listen, or even point you in the right direction.

    Its never to late to do school, if you fail, you can retake when you feel ready.
    You have so many opportunities in life, but only one opportunity to live.

    I've failed alot, work, school, and friends, but I'm still here trying to retake my maths, and English GCSE's then work up to other stuff, I'm 23, and have many years ahead of me.

    Don't be to hard on yourself, people make mistakes, which can be repaired, i've made alot of mistakes, but its taken me years to see my family love me, when all I did was push them out.

    There are so many people in the world who are willing to help people who feel they are on the edge thinking their life isn't worth living.

    You wont get help and someone to talk to if you don't ask.
    So please just ask someone whom you feel you can trust, if you can't trust anyone at home ask someone at school. head teacher, tutor.

    I've been at the edge, and I'm still recovering, but please believe me, taking your own life, will hurt others around you so much.
    Throw a stone into the river, the stone disappears but the ripples stay in the water for a long time.

    You can always send me a private message if you need to ask anything, but its probably best to post it here, as I don't always have net access everyday.
    I hope my words have helped you even if its only slightly.

    Take care of yourself.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi T101...welcome and so glad you found us...there are several things you mentioned that you can practice by means of seeking support here...first, talking about social skills...these are skills which improve with practice and can be assisted through other ppl's experiences...yes, you have to go out and improve them, but there is a vast amt of practice and information to be shared...second, school performance...it is said, 'it is not where you start, but where you finish'...I nearly failed øut øƒ school and today I have a rather enjoyable practice and business...got many C's, D's and F's the first yr and was a straight A student for the last two yrs of college, most of my Masters and my Doctorate...so hang in there...please PM me if I can help in any way...again, welcome and keep us 'posted' about how you are døing, big hugs, J
  4. the outsider

    the outsider Guest

    hey man im right there with you. i've never even had a girl as a friend either and i'm also not ugly. i actually did fail school, because i missed so many days because of the anxiety, and had to drop out after the ninth grade just so my mom didn't get sent to prison. she claims that i have caused her a mental breakdown during this period but i can feel no sympathy for her because she totally disregarding how i was feeling at the time and vented her frustration out on me by expressing how deeply she hated and was disgusted by me. she said that she would have been better off if she never had any kids and that she wished i was dead. she even threatened to kill me herself and actually might have attempted to one day but i was able to hold the door back in terror as she was screaming like she was possessedb in a demonic tone of voice, banging on the door, and wielding a knife. im pretty sure that she has borderline personality disorder but she doesn't recognize it herself and would never accept or acknowledge that she does. the worst thing about all of this is that a couple of years later, here i am, still living under her roof, with no job or friends, hardly even leaving the house because i become so anxious around others. I feel that there is no one that i believe can help me out of this desperate situation. i have been seeing a therapist and taking meds for about 4 months but haven't seen any improvement and i actually feel like im at my worst. i see no hope for someone like me. i can't express love or affection, i have no aims or goals in life. as a matter of fact i see life as pointless, devoid of meaning and significance...worthless.

    Sorry for going on so much about my problems. Hopefully you may find some sort of consolation knowing that you are not the only one going through this type of bullshit. Have you seen a doctor and been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder yet?
  5. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    What's the rush to have a girlfriend for? You should try improving your life first, before you take such a big step.

    You should try to finish school, the last thing you need in your situation is girl problems.
  6. tdot101

    tdot101 New Member

    this is t101, i forgot my password so i made a new account

    anyways things just seems to look shittier in terms of school. i really do look like i'm gonna fail and get kicked out, which will deeply disappoint my parents and i just dont want to see them disappointed. for i will feel that i have yet again will look like a failure, i care deeply about my parents and what they think, and now i just pretty wasted all their time and money on me, only so i can fuck things up. i really dont want to do this anymore, and feel again that things will be better off if i wasn't here.

    and if i choose to go on, i am deeply afraid of what the future has in store for me. i just can't see my self succeeding in life, i just dont see any future for me, i just flat out dont have one. I'm the most pathetic person in the world, i am a fucking idiot and a nobody. nobody will care if i'm gone.
  7. ilikeshinythings274

    ilikeshinythings274 New Member

    t101, I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I feel your pain. I have poor grades. My dad says that I MUST get a 3.0 and he makes me feel like if I don't then the world ends. I've disappointed my parents time and time again. My dad can't understand why I have low self-esteem. He keeps telling me how smart I am but I just don't see it. The way I was brought up, I've come to believe that grades determine how good a person I am. So, low grades= low self-esteem. I'm also afraid of what the future holds. I am a 19 year old female, turning 20 this year. I've never been in a relationship. I don't have many friends and I never speak up in class because I am extremely shy. I don't usually post but your situation hit so close to home for me, I had to let you know that you're not alone. I hope things get better for you. :hug:
  8. tdot101

    tdot101 New Member

    thanks for letting me know. really surprised to hear how u are in pretty much the exact same situation as me. i really hope things workout for u aswell.
  9. tdot101

    tdot101 New Member

    well im a couple of hours away of being completely fucked. they're gonna give me my marks, i already know that failed one class so im already in deep shit, and im getting very worried that i failed another one which could very well mean that i'm gonna get kicked out of school, so i will have to face up to my parents, which i have dissapointed them once again, im to much of a fucking idiot to make them proud and im not smart enough to ever make them proud of me, im already pathetic enough, and with me potentially getting kicked out of school my future looks just as fucked as me.
  10. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    If you are not ugly, dont be shy, just try to be a little more confident, and say the things you have on you mind when you are with your friends. No mather how stupid they might sound to you, there will be always someone who will find them interesting. And one day, that someone could be a girl.
  11. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    And school is not so important, not that much like people think, and you think at the moment. You will graduate one day, and if you dont, its not the end of the world. I have graduate with highest marks, but I failed in my life, school didnt help me at all.
  12. tdot101

    tdot101 New Member

    well i dont know man. i still think school is important, especially for my family. and well after looking through it, even if i do pass this other class, i think im still no matter what am gonna get kicked out of school. Thats it, it's over. my life is pretty much over, im just a worthless piece of shit. My parents deserves better and they will not get that with me. i need school because im already a dumb fuck anyways, i am 20 and never had a job!!. like i said im the most pathetic scum on the earth, im the biggest loser who has no future, and with this shit coming up it is final that i will have no future. im gonna get hell tomorrow morning when i tell them the news, it will only lower my self esteem and make me more depressed that i have become such a failure in life.
  13. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you are not a loser without a future, that's just depression talking. i know exactly how you feel, i do the same thing. we take one failure and generalize, feeling like it is further evidence of our loserdom. but it's not.

    yes, you may have to leave school, and yes, you may have failed more than one class.

    but the thing is, you did the best you could at the time. perhaps the classes were too hard, especially when you were fighting depression at the same time.

    your parents would much rather have you alive, and out of school, than dead. it's really that simple.

    take some time before you talk to you parents about your grades to think about why this happened. maybe it was the depression, maybe anxiety, procrastination on assignments.... who knows.

    btw, i failed three courses in my first year of university, took a year off, went on to finish my degree and get two graduate degrees. sure, it was a difficult time but in the overall picture, it didn't matter as much as i thought at the time.
  14. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    This makes a lot sense, really. I can take myself for example. Reading was not dificult for me in the past, but today, when Im depressed, I can not even focus on the text Im reading. I read and forgot what I read at the same time.

    It might be the answer for your problem.
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