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don't know what to do anymore :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by blueskyblues, Jan 19, 2009.

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  1. blueskyblues

    blueskyblues Well-Known Member

    i despise myself so much tonight. there is something deeply wrong with me. i'm not meant for this world, i've always known that, and i'm just rotting here like the worthless piece of trash i will forever be. like all creatures i only wish to be loved but all i succeed in doing is pushing people away. i could have had everything but i ruined it and i'll be paying for it for the rest of my life. i don't deserve to be happy. i'm a coward; the only reason i haven't ended my life yet is because i believe that i will go to a bad place, trapped in my own personal hell reliving this pain over and over.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi blueskyblues. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so low right now. Why do you feel that you don't deserve to be happy? Everyone deserves happiness, even you. And you're not a worthless piece of trash. You're a human being just like everyone else here, and you need deserve to be loved. :hug:
  3. seven

    seven Active Member

    :sad: don't hate yourself! you're not trash. i'm sorry you're feeling so bad. If you needa friend, I'm here. :hug:
  4. blueskyblues

    blueskyblues Well-Known Member

    thank you but it's true, i really don't deserve happiness. i'm not good enough to be loved by anyone and my bf realised this tonight and has left me. :sad:
  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Maybe he's not the one but I guarentee you there is someone out there who can love you the way you want/need to be loved.

    I know it's hard now but it gets better, trust me!
  6. blueskyblues

    blueskyblues Well-Known Member

    i wish i could, shauna. truly. but i know that inside, i'm just wrong. my parents didn't want me, and now my bf. tonight i cried and begged him not to leave, i told him i want to die, and he just said "well do it then." :sad:
  7. blueskyblues

    blueskyblues Well-Known Member

    fuck it. i only started believing that when i attempted and failed last year. i let someone i love convince me of that. but he was wrong. and he hates me these days.

    i'm leaving tonight.
  8. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Please don't leave tonight, your such a great person. You can't leave if I pin you down and hug you. :wink: :laugh: :smile:
  9. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i just got dumped by my husband. i am SO much in love with him. i am 45. did not want to start over. too old. too much in love. i lost my kids ages 11 and 16 because they did not want to move to where my new husband is from, (canada) they wanted to live in the u.s. w/their dad.
    after 1 1/2 yrs of marriage, me moving here and my kids moving back THERE and i am knocking my *** off to be a good wife and stepmother to HIS four kids. .. . and bam. he is not in 'love with me any more'. and i am a '''bad person''' he says. i am a piece of s***. tossed to the curb. gave up everything to be with him but now, he does not like me. can we BOTH go on? is there HOPE for us? i care about YOU. i don't even know you but when i read your note i cried. i do care for you. hang on . i am thinking about 'it'. .. but. . . . maybe we can stay . just to see. maybe it will get better. i care.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Blueskyblues,

    Welcome to SF. I'm glad you found us :)

    You're not a worthless piece of thrash. Don't listen to those thoughts. Depression lies. What exactly has caused you to feel this way about yourself? I hope you feel better soon hun. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to,anytime x
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Blueskies,
    I am glad you beleive you will go to a bad place because it will keep you from doing anything rash. You are not trash. Your a person in pain!! Are you seeing anyone about your problem? If not you should see a therapist because they can give you a whole new perspective on things.
    You will find that there are many of us who are more than willing to talk with you and support you! Can you give us a little more information about what has brought you to feeling so down on yourself? You can PM me anytime if you want to talk!!!~Joseph~
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