i despise myself so much tonight. there is something deeply wrong with me. i'm not meant for this world, i've always known that, and i'm just rotting here like the worthless piece of trash i will forever be. like all creatures i only wish to be loved but all i succeed in doing is pushing people away. i could have had everything but i ruined it and i'll be paying for it for the rest of my life. i don't deserve to be happy. i'm a coward; the only reason i haven't ended my life yet is because i believe that i will go to a bad place, trapped in my own personal hell reliving this pain over and over.