Don't know what to do with my life anymore and painful memories. Just feel like sleeping forever..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Shy rose, Dec 7, 2015.

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  1. Shy rose

    Shy rose New Member

    Hello all, I joined here because i have been going through a very rough time for many years. I have social anxiety, depression, and pstd due to bullying/abuse. The memories still haunt me and i find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of grief. I have had rude comments made about my appearance and because of it most people in school did not want to talk with me and treated me like an outcast. This happened a lot so i fell into depression and developed severe anxiety. I am now 21 years old, i dropped out of college due to severe anxiety of my appearance and being treated terribly. I am a very sensitive soul, probably too sensitive for this world. I feel bad for my mother, my depression/anxiety affected her and she is depressed as well because of me and tells me how ashamed she is of me.

    I cannot blame her, i am useless and do nothing. I ruined job opportunities that i had because i felt so anxious and ugly to show up. I am so scared for my future, if i feel anxious even walking down the street, i don't how i will cope with a job or college. I tried therapy and meds but they didn't work much. So i gave up on them and been stuck in my room for 2 years, barely enough strength to do much. i feel too hideous to step out and interact with people,i feel so embarrassed making eye contact with anyone. Not even family. It feels like my body is on fire and especially since they aren't too kind to me. I have thought so many times about suicide just so i can not feel this pain anymore, to not remember painful memories, and not stress so much, i love sleeping so i am not aware of anything.

    i dont know anymore what to do, i feel frightened,guilty, embarrassed, do not want to be seen and just find living painful.
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    Okay okay, first of all, please stop blaming yourself for all these things. You can blame yourself all you want, it will just make you feel bad and won't change the current situation.

    Cause from what I read, I see someone who has been trying, a lot. Which is great, be proud of that for starters. Trying is hard, it takes up a lot.

    Your mom isn't being that nice to you, sorry to hear that. Maybe (not making up excuses here for her) she doesn't understand your situation; maybe you can relate to this. I did.

    Maybe you can start with making some contact with people on here. It's nice to vent about your feelings to others, and not doing it face to face but in the privacy of your own room.

    And being scared for the future, you are 21, I understand that. Some people have a whole plan layed out for them, others (i am one of those) make some 'wrong' decisions which lead to the right things eventually. But sweety, you are just 21, you don't need to have your whole life figured out. Im sure your mom would like that but it's not that realistic. Don't feel pressured about that. Really don't
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