I feel like I am a continuous disappointment to myself, and to other people. Today I had made plans with someone important to me, and I was really looking forward to that. I'm sure he was too, and I said I'd even get done with everything earlier so we'd have more time together. Of course, everything got fucked up as usual...car battery died, and had to wait for a jump. Of course when I finally got minutes for my phone, the battery died so I couldn't tell him I would be late. I ended up missing him altogether, and I haven't heard from him. He is probably fed up, and I don't blame him. That's how most people in my life feel about me. The people I care about the most, I seem to be upsetting the most, even though I don't intend to. It seems like a bunch of excuses, but things keep coming up. I hate breaking promises, I didn't mean to, but there I go again. I probably won't even be eating dinner until 10...that's how hectic my life is right now. I always have to be there for someone, they need to rely on me, and I don't mind it, but I never take any time to myself. It's taken such a great toll on me and I don't know what to do. I usually cope by drinking and cutting...I had already promised I wouldn't cut, but it's so damn tempting. When people tell me to just stop, it's not that easy, because it is like an addiction. So I'll probably break that promise too and continue to fuck up some more. I don't know what this is....a long and stupid rant, I guess. Or maybe I'm just wondering if anyone else ever feels this way, and how to fix it. I don't seem to be dealing with this well on my own. Being constantly stressed leads to panic attacks, worry, lack of sleep and just a toll on my mental and physical health. Something needs to change before I break down completely.