Don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Feb 1, 2013.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I feel like I am a continuous disappointment to myself, and to other people. Today I had made plans with someone important to me, and I was really looking forward to that. I'm sure he was too, and I said I'd even get done with everything earlier so we'd have more time together. Of course, everything got fucked up as usual...car battery died, and had to wait for a jump. Of course when I finally got minutes for my phone, the battery died so I couldn't tell him I would be late. I ended up missing him altogether, and I haven't heard from him. He is probably fed up, and I don't blame him. That's how most people in my life feel about me. The people I care about the most, I seem to be upsetting the most, even though I don't intend to. It seems like a bunch of excuses, but things keep coming up. I hate breaking promises, I didn't mean to, but there I go again. I probably won't even be eating dinner until 10...that's how hectic my life is right now. I always have to be there for someone, they need to rely on me, and I don't mind it, but I never take any time to myself. It's taken such a great toll on me and I don't know what to do. I usually cope by drinking and cutting...I had already promised I wouldn't cut, but it's so damn tempting. When people tell me to just stop, it's not that easy, because it is like an addiction. So I'll probably break that promise too and continue to fuck up some more. I don't know what this is....a long and stupid rant, I guess. Or maybe I'm just wondering if anyone else ever feels this way, and how to fix it. I don't seem to be dealing with this well on my own. Being constantly stressed leads to panic attacks, worry, lack of sleep and just a toll on my mental and physical health. Something needs to change before I break down completely.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Witty...I read this, and am thinking about a response, but wanted to say that I care
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thanks for responding and caring, it means a lot to me :hug:
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    For me, I screwed up things because I was so afraid of success...I felt I was such a worthless piece of poo that I did not deserve anything and also pre-empted failure by doing it myself.
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I tend to self-sabotage sometimes, but I'm trying to learn not to do that...I think it's hard enough to deal with things just based on all of the problems I have. I don't want to add extra stress to my life.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun it is hard when we sabotage ourselves too hun i hope you know how much people do care about you hun hugs