don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by scarlettdrknss, Feb 5, 2013.

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  1. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    so my parents found out i'm cutting (again) and they won't leave me alone. they want to make me talk and then when i do they just keep repeating the same things that don't even help at all, like think positive and it'll pass and similar. they don't get that that doesn't help at all. a few minutes ago, my father threatened to punish me, like take away my laptop or internet, possibly phone, not letting me go to softball practice or not letting me go to the concert on thursday. and he's still threatening to take me to the hospital if i don't show them the cuts. but i don't want to talk to them because they just make me feel mor miserable.i just can't talk to them and they don't want to understand that. my father was talking to me and i broke down crying and what not and then at the end, he told me to calm down and do my schoolwork because i have quite a bit to do. he came back a few minutes after to see if i had really started. how am i supposed to do that in this condition? i mean, i've been having major concentration issues the last two months and my grades have already sunken this half year. and all my parents say is that it'll pass and that i have to do all i can to fight it and still have to get good grades in school.
    i have a few day old cuts on my wrists and fresh cuts on both my upper arms. the ones on the right arm are fine. they aren't that deep, i could show them that tho i think i won't. what i'm worried about is the cut on my left arm. it ended up deeper than any cut i ever had before and i think it needs better tending to than i can do by myself.
    but i don't want my parents to see my them. and i definitely don't want to end up in the hospital because my parents think it's that bad because it's not that bad. at least, that's what i think.
    this is not just about cutting though, i just don't know how to keep going with my parents. we have alwasy been able to pretend nothing is wrong and all, acting happy and cheerful especially around my sister. but now they take it on the easy shoulder. they think it's just a teenager phase or something. they don't get it's really destroying me and i suck at talking to people and i can't tell them that. i can't tell them straight out that i'm suicidal and hate this world. i have made tons of hints these last few years and today as well. all they say is "well, think positive then!"
    and i just don't know anymore.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    What is it you would like them to say? What would your parents be able to say or do that would help in your opinion?
     
  3. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    i don't know... i have a feeling they can't help me. i just don't feel as close to themas they do to me, especially in my really depressed moments. i have alwasy tried to keep it all to myself and be a happy daughter in front of them, it's so weird crying in front of them and talking to them. i don't really like it.
     
  4. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    Hi Scarlett.

    I was just reading over your post and thinking to myself: didn't you say on another thread that your father used to self-harm? Do you ever talk about this with him? I would have thought that, because of what happened in his past, he might understand a little of what you are feeling.

    Have you and your parents ever met with a therapist together? Sometimes if a medical professional attempts to explain to the parents that their child has a real medical illness, and is not just "going through a phase" (I always hated hearing that!), then the parents might start taking it more seriously.

    I was also wondering about your sister. I presume she is younger than you and that you are all trying to protect her, but I have learned to my cost that mental illness eventually trickles down into every last corner of the family dynamic.

    I really hope you can go to the concert! Let me know how it goes. Sometimes just doing something different can be invaluable therapy. Take care.
     
  5. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    Hey Angel. No, we don't talk much about it. He justs says that it is stupid and childish an scoffs when I say that it helps me. He says that it's just a mind trick and think that I'm in some kind of cult or something with rituals. He also says that his 'depression' or whatever didn't have anything to do with his parents and that it just passed. I look up to my father on one hand. He's the perfect mixture of a modern and nature-loving person, published a poetry book and managed to escape being a soldier and build
    a new life in a strange country and also has a real family. But on the other hand he seems to like denial and ignorance sometimes.

    We did sit down together but that was more a 'get to know each other' thing. my therapist said we could get rogether again but i refused... maybe i should do it after all?

    Yes, she is younger and I really do want to protect her. I wish I could be the big sister she deserved but I can't. And I never told her anything, though I have the feeling my parents have. I am scared of what her reaction would be and the consequences. But I'm thinking of telling her because I guess we are pretty good friends and I want to explain the things I've been hiding from her. Also, Self-Injury Awareness Day is coming up and I want to do something. I want to make some kind of point, want to spread the word to people because self harm has had a big impact on my life and I think she would support me.

    Thanks so much for the post and yes I am still allowed to go to the concert ^^
     
  6. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Your father is sometimes "[in] denial and ignorance" and you "have tried to keep it all to myself....be a happy daughter". "maybe I should do it after all?". Your words, your insight. Best wishes whatever you decide.
     
  7. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry, i don't quite understand...

    but thank you.
     
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