dont know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by _Lily_, Sep 11, 2013.

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  1. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Am really not good right now ...Am staying at my husbands granddads house and i am feeling like i need to OD
    i don't want to kill myself i just want the voices to stop i cant see a dr as am the other side of the country my husband has locked all the pills away but there arre more pills in the house my husbands granddads meds they are strong pills
    right now i cant handle the voices any more Am meant to b going to bed right now but my husband is down stairs
    i want to tell him i am feeling this way but he has alot on his mind at the moment my husbands granddad has cancer and don't have long to live

    i dont want to upset the family but i feel i need to take all the pills
    Am also seeing things as well
    my husband knows this and has told me there is nothing there
    I dont know what to do
     
  2. mechanic

    mechanic Member

    Ask yourself what's going to be worse for your husband, a dad with cancer and a suicidal wife or a dad with cancer and a dead wife? I don't want to make your mind up for you as you seem to have the means to end it planned out.
     
  3. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Aisha, if you want to OD, this means you should be taking drugs for your mental disease. Just dont do anything to harm yourself. Keep writing here. Go and see your doc and get meds please.
     
  4. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    I told my husband whats going on ... he talked to me about it Am not going to take the pills
    Am already on medication for my mental health ...
    but they dont work so well i cant see a dr at the moment as am away from home right now and i will not be back until next week
     
  5. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Aisha. I think that what you are suffering from is as serious and life threatening as your husbands grandfathers cancer. If your tablets arent working your condition will only get worse. You are in crisis and need to get immediate help.
    What happened when you spoke to your husband, did he understand what was happening to you? Does talking to him help you ?
     
  6. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    My husband know how ill i am but he has other things to deal with Am more stressed than usual because its near the anniversary of my step dad death
    when am stressed am more likely to hear things more and see things
    I can see a dr as soon as i get home i don't know the number for the crisis team here and i don't know what they would do any way
     
  7. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Aisha, its probably not my place to say this but I don't know what could be more important for your husband than looking after his wife, especially when you are having a major crisis.
    Im sure your step dad would want you to be well and happy. As soon as you get back home the first thing you must do is see your doc. That's your number one priority, dont let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.
    When is your step dad's anniversary? Post sometning on here so we can make sure you're ok.
     
  8. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    The anniversary is on the 17th of September 2 years since he died
    I know my step dad wouldn't want me to do anything to myself
    because my husbands granddad is ill he cant drive and my husbands mum is at work

    I can wait until i go home
    will make an appointment asap
     
  9. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Aisha, it is clear to me that your step dad's suicide affected you a lot. You have become obsessed with his death. You are unable to let go of thinking about him. He is always on your mind. This is the root cause of your illness. We all get obsessed with one thing or another. We have to overcome this obsession somehow. Since you say you are Muslim, why not leave it upto God and think that it was God's will that your step dad killed himself.

    Leave this matter up to God and get yourself out of this. Stop thinking about your step dad. He is gone. You need to lead a happy life now.

    I know obsession when it is deep is hard to get rid of. But we must try.
     
  10. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    i wouldnt say that i am obsessed with my step dads death its just this time of year that he died
    i had my illness before i lost my step dad i do have OCD as well as hearing voices and other things as well

    i leave it in Allahs hands
     
  11. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    I get what you mean. Sometimes when im on a down part of my cycle I tend to fixate on something and keep proding at it like its a tooth ache. Its not the cause of my problems but something that I fixate on because of my problems.
    It annoys me whenever people think im depressed because of a bad break up or something when ive been like this for most of my life long before I had even met her. If it wasnt the break up I'd just find something else to be obsessed with
     
  12. It becomes clear, that the only person right now that you should be concerned of if your well being. There is nothing that one can do of ones death, especially to suicide. As debilitating as how much you are currently by the influence of your past loved one, can be bearing to you, and untouched by us. You have a right to feel in the stasis that you feel. This is not an "obsession" but a passage that you will have to take, in order to ease your spirit of your bereaved loved one. That process alone in bereavement is to free one from the emotional depth that one has for their lost. Loss in itself is overpowering for some, logical for another, but all in all, we can not understand the depths of yourself. It is good that you have a doctor, and I trust you will put your survival instinct to the test in clearing the problem neurochemically. But as a cognitive, psychoanalytical, and humanistic approach must come too. It is okay that you post the problems you are going through, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out for social support, but please understand the dangers that the drugs follow. Look at the circumstances, think about something, and someone out there, there has to be one person who loves you. Your husband does all his actions for reason, and that reason is in you.

    What you need to do now is look further into yourself, and wonder if you will continue to survive, than hard work is in front of you, and you will struggle to get to know where you are. The voices disappear in time especially with your stress low.

    With this in mind, what is your sleep schedule like? What is your balance between play and work? How are your social relationships with friends? With romance? With family? Any new forming relationships or ones that have problems right now? Once you start to question these, you find your own balance of what may need progress on, and what merits you are comfortable with. It comes in time, and it retains focus, but you can have a much better life than what you are trying to run away from by overdose. Process, do not act on counterproductive modes driven by temporary phases.
     
  13. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    my sleeping is all over the place i go tyo sleep from 11pm to 6am ( prayers am Muslim ) 6.30 am to 12 pm sleep or sometimes i go a full 24 hours without sleep some times longer than that
    i dont work because of my mental health i spend most of my time praying and on the pc
    I do some exercise like walking or going on my exercise bike for half an hour some times longer than that
    i have friends from the mosque i dont drink ( because am Muslim and i use to have a problem with drink)
    i get on well with my family but my mum never calls me by my chosen name ( i change my birthname )
    she think that me fallowing Islam is a phase
    My husband and i love each other very much we have no kids as we dont want to pass on my mental health problems on to them
    and we are no stable enough to look after kids
    I just been in touch with my biological Dad we met him again and we talked about a few things he says he isnt making any promises but i hope he will be around in the future am e mailing him nearly every day

    Sorry i didn't reply to this sooner i was traveling from Oxford to Edinburgh yesterday
     
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