Im a college student, currently in my final year and will be taking A Level exams in the summer which will determin wether I can go to university or not. Thats causing part of my problems, the stress is imaginable and I cant deal with it. I have to get into university, but cant pass my exams. Which brings me to the next issue...I dont want to go to university, I hate the idea of it, but Im pretty much being forced into by my parents, they would disown me if I didnt go, theyve made that perfectly clear, and they do mean it. I have never had the happy family everyone dreams of. I feel like Ive grown up in the middle of world war 3. Ive always thought a home is where you go to escape the rest of the world, like a shelter. But my so called shelter has been a battle ground for as long as I can remember. My parents, my sister and me, we've never known anything but how to hurt each other. I remember being a small child and watching my mum throw a kitchen knife at my dad, and I in turn have threatened my sister and been threatened by her with similar impliments. I hate my dad...he has the worst temper of anyone I have ever known. I dont know anything else about him though. Hes only around at weekends and its been that way for as long as I can remember. I accepted a sh*t job purely because I had to work all weekend and could avoid ever seeing him. I am...hmm..."in love" isnt right...I am *obsessed* with someone to the point where I have negleted everything just to be near him, and have often travelled miles to the town where he lives and wandered the streets because its comforting knowing Im in the same place that he is. I have been obsessed with him for over a year. This person, however, hates me, and always has. I would do anything to change that, and I wish everyday that was mine. Hes all I think about. I dont sleep. Not much anyway. I cant sleep. Im awake till early hours of the morning, but then over sleep by several hours in the morning, getting my in trouble at college and at work. I was pulled out of a class yesterday by someone I had never met. She took me to an empty lecture room and asked me difficult, personal questions, told me lecturers had emailed her and were worried about me. She said she wanted to refer me to a cousellor, but didnt think the internal councellor was enough to deal with my problems and I should seek professional help because everyone is concerned about my mental state. It depresses me further that I have to write my problems on here just so I can tell someone because I have no friends. I cant cope any more...I have often thought of suicide, and want to go through with it, everyday that possibility draws closer and closer. I know no one can help me, I just needed to vent I feel trapped, suffocated in my life, and I hate it, I would do anything to escape from it.