Don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by given_up, Nov 28, 2007.

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  1. given_up

    given_up New Member

    Im a college student, currently in my final year and will be taking A Level exams in the summer which will determin wether I can go to university or not. Thats causing part of my problems, the stress is imaginable and I cant deal with it. I have to get into university, but cant pass my exams.

    Which brings me to the next issue...I dont want to go to university, I hate the idea of it, but Im pretty much being forced into by my parents, they would disown me if I didnt go, theyve made that perfectly clear, and they do mean it.

    I have never had the happy family everyone dreams of. I feel like Ive grown up in the middle of world war 3. Ive always thought a home is where you go to escape the rest of the world, like a shelter. But my so called shelter has been a battle ground for as long as I can remember. My parents, my sister and me, we've never known anything but how to hurt each other. I remember being a small child and watching my mum throw a kitchen knife at my dad, and I in turn have threatened my sister and been threatened by her with similar impliments.

    I hate my dad...he has the worst temper of anyone I have ever known. I dont know anything else about him though. Hes only around at weekends and its been that way for as long as I can remember. I accepted a sh*t job purely because I had to work all weekend and could avoid ever seeing him.

    I am...hmm..."in love" isnt right...I am *obsessed* with someone to the point where I have negleted everything just to be near him, and have often travelled miles to the town where he lives and wandered the streets because its comforting knowing Im in the same place that he is. I have been obsessed with him for over a year. This person, however, hates me, and always has. I would do anything to change that, and I wish everyday that was mine. Hes all I think about.

    I dont sleep. Not much anyway. I cant sleep. Im awake till early hours of the morning, but then over sleep by several hours in the morning, getting my in trouble at college and at work.

    I was pulled out of a class yesterday by someone I had never met. She took me to an empty lecture room and asked me difficult, personal questions, told me lecturers had emailed her and were worried about me. She said she wanted to refer me to a cousellor, but didnt think the internal councellor was enough to deal with my problems and I should seek professional help because everyone is concerned about my mental state.

    It depresses me further that I have to write my problems on here just so I can tell someone because I have no friends.

    I cant cope any more...I have often thought of suicide, and want to go through with it, everyday that possibility draws closer and closer.

    I know no one can help me, I just needed to vent
    I feel trapped, suffocated in my life, and I hate it, I would do anything to escape from it.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well 1st Given, welcome here to SF. And you do have lots of friends here you just don't know it. The members here are special people that truly care about others here. They do not judge, try to help you when you need and even give you an earful when you need it ( wait til you meet granny aka Endinday). Most of what you are experiencing is because of depression. Have you talked to a doctor about what you are going through? Or even your parents. You sound like you could be one of my kids. Before I left my ex, our family was alot like yours. It took drastic actions but now we are all working together for better ties and communication. It's not your fault that these things have and are happening. But you can do something about atleast your own situation in this family. And who knows if you take that 1st step for yourself maybe the others in the family will follow. You've done one of the first steps. You came here and vented. It can make you feel so much better letting it out rather than carrying it around with you , alone. You are never alone here. Let the others try to help you find what you need to do for yourself. Don't worry about your family or school right now. You are the most important thing. Now that you have opend up here, you need to go to a doctor, close aunt or uncle etc , a counsellor or even your church if you attend. Tell someone exactly what you said here. It's hard but youve done it once already. Next you need to follow up on what ever it is this person recommends.l That too can be difficult due to other obligations, but remember you are the most important thing here. You have to get your self well before you can help the others at home. Once you start you will probably find that a lot of your other problems will seem less difficult. And I would say that you have many people that at least care about you. Look at the list of people that refered you for help. Don't be upset with them. Be happy that someone is noticing your pain and that you are not alone out there. Keep posting here too. We can try to help. Please keep strong and pm me any time you need a little push or help.
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hi given, welcome to sf hun, i hope you find the help you are seeking here, don't give up with us, it may take a while but we are here to help if we can.

    sounds like you have a lot going on in your mind at the moment and i can understand who stressful it can be to have your life run by other plls expectations of you.
    it can seem that your whole life is not in your control.

    but is it? what is it that YOU want to do with your life really.
    can you face up to pll and say i don't want to play along now?

    i know its scary to stand up to your parents but if its that bad maybe a couple of weeks of grief from them is worth being able to do what you want.

    pm me if you want to chat or vent hun.

    take care

  4. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    nice to meet you


    cheesy i know...

    sometimes it can help me to think about how life just goes on, even if you stumble, and things don't go the way you want.

    you can still be successful and loved even if right now you feel overwhelmed.
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