What am I supposed to do when I'm really suffering and have no one to turn to? No one who I even half trust to talk to is around. I'm not angry, I can't expect everyone to hang around always, waiting for the moment when I finally open up. But I feel like I'm falling and there's no one there to catch me. I should do it myself, but I've been holding myself up for months cos I hate being a burden and I'm just not strong enough right now. I can't talk to someone I don't know, my trust issues are just too great. And I can't type my thoughts here, it's far too triggering and I'm afraid of the reaction. I need to talk about my anger and the reasons why I want to kill myself. I need to talk about how I nearly did it today and the ease with which I can get access to a pretty much fool-proof method. 6 days to wait and I'll have what I need in my hands, I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it. I have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm not ok, I'm so far from ok that ok isn't even a speck on the horizon. I can't do this, I can't keep it all in anymore.