Seriously. I've been home since beginning of November. I haven't been able to find a job, and it's not like I haven't been looking. But really right now I want to find a job, but only because I want to get my own place. I'm at a place right now where I want to get my own place only because I don't want to kill myself in my parents house (oh how thoughtful I am). I've had 3 interviews, with At&t, pepsi bottling company. I thought they went well but I guess not since I've gotten letters saying "oh sorry it seems your not a fit for this job". How do you find a job when the last 2 years you have had maybe 1 job for 2 weeks. I've tried putting that I've been a student, which isn't a total lie in my past jobs as I was in classes just didn't go. I have no friends, only people I talk to at all is my family. And I don't really say anything to them. It was wierd a few days ago I got through a whole day without saying a damn thing! Like wtf? What kind of life is that? I truly don't want to kill myself in my parents house but I don't see how I cannot. The only time I wasn't feeling suicidal was when I went to some young adult transitional program before I got kicked out, but then I just shifted back into my depressive modes while I was there before my 3rd attempt. I did go to a bar with my sister and her friends recently but it felt like I was the third wheel as I sat there drinking and said nothing. So I have been out but really going out requires something more than just going out. Really I don't know what to do, I just feel like suicide is my only way. And I don't want to have this fight with my depression for my whole life. But I would also like to be able to see my baby brother grow up, but if I have to be depressed through out it, it doesnt seem very practical. I do know that life is what you make it, but how can you make something out of you life when you have NO damn desire to do anything, no motive to contiune living no desire to do anything.