Don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Neverhappyalwayssad, Jan 30, 2010.

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  1. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Seriously. I've been home since beginning of November. I haven't been able to find a job, and it's not like I haven't been looking. But really right now I want to find a job, but only because I want to get my own place. I'm at a place right now where I want to get my own place only because I don't want to kill myself in my parents house (oh how thoughtful I am).

    I've had 3 interviews, with At&t, pepsi bottling company. I thought they went well but I guess not since I've gotten letters saying "oh sorry it seems your not a fit for this job". How do you find a job when the last 2 years you have had maybe 1 job for 2 weeks. I've tried putting that I've been a student, which isn't a total lie in my past jobs as I was in classes just didn't go.

    I have no friends, only people I talk to at all is my family. And I don't really say anything to them. It was wierd a few days ago I got through a whole day without saying a damn thing! Like wtf? What kind of life is that? I truly don't want to kill myself in my parents house but I don't see how I cannot. The only time I wasn't feeling suicidal was when I went to some young adult transitional program before I got kicked out, but then I just shifted back into my depressive modes while I was there before my 3rd attempt. I did go to a bar with my sister and her friends recently but it felt like I was the third wheel as I sat there drinking and said nothing. So I have been out but really going out requires something more than just going out.

    Really I don't know what to do, I just feel like suicide is my only way. And I don't want to have this fight with my depression for my whole life. But I would also like to be able to see my baby brother grow up, but if I have to be depressed through out it, it doesnt seem very practical. I do know that life is what you make it, but how can you make something out of you life when you have NO damn desire to do anything, no motive to contiune living no desire to do anything.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It's hard for me to do things when I'm depressed. Are you being treated by a doctor for depression? I have found it to be very helpful for me.

    Post here all you need to. It really helps to "talk" about things.
     
  3. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Acutally I had an appointment with a psychatrist this week but it snowed real bad and they rescheduled me for the 11th. I don't see a doctor helping me specially if they just prescribe ssri's or snri's since they don't seem to affect me at all.
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It is common for a person to need to try more than one medication before they find the one that works best for them. It can be frustrating but most of us have been through it and I think they would join me in saying it is worth the journey :hug:

    Do you have any hobbies?
     
  5. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    I don't know I've been on alot of anti-depressants. Don't really have an hobby unless debating my atheist and liberal views on random internet forums count lol.
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    How long have you been on meds?? Do you know it takes six to eight weeks before they start working?? They may need to put you on a regimen of meds.. I currently take seven different meds.. For the most part they help keep me stable..Sure I still have suicidal thoughts but I know I won't act on them unless something major happens..Give the meds another try.. And be patient...
     
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel- I have no desire to do anything either.
    I'm just taking up space.
     
  8. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Right now I'm not on any medication. Yea I know they take a while to work (which is wierd if you take a look at the pharmacology of anti-depressants). I've been on Prozac, lexapro, effexor, and another one I can't remember along with mirtazpine, risperdal. The thing is they don't have any effect on me at all. I don't feel different even when I was taking them seriously. I am going to go to the psychatrist and hopely have them give me something for my anxiety attacks and maybe ritalin or adderal. Partly because SSRI's and SNRI's dont seem to work for me at least.
     
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