It's been a while since I've been here. I found out last week that my company has been lying to my entire department for at least 6 months. I'll be laid off sometime before the summer is out. So much sadness, so much anger and betrayal. It's been 17 years since I've had to look for a job. I don't think I'll find one. I'm less afraid of dying than I am of being alone and homeless. I've started thinking about how to do it. I want to go and be with my mom again.