Hi everyone, Sorry I only kind of skimmed through the faqs and rules and haven't lurked here at all but I'm only here on a whim since I can't figure out what to do. I'm in pretty bad shape right now. I've been suicidal for 10 years plus and have already been hospitalized twice. I don't really trust mental health professionals anymore and have very few friends after an incident where they got me hauled off to ER. Anyways this is just background. To try and fix things I'm in a different country right now. My local relatives don't know anything about my condition and anyone who does know anything is about 12 hours away by plane. I'm technically here to study but I've basically skipped my second week of classes due to feeling extremely suicidal. I've tried to distract myself with hobbies but previous injuries kept flaring up and I'm unable to do anything fun... not that anything has been fun for months. I've gotten diagnoses of major depression which would explain this but unfortunately medication doesn't work for me. Anyways, I'm going to have to go on a plane ride to fix a visa issue this weekend and I'm really about as apathetic as can be. If I don't go I'll get kicked out of the country so this is kind of a pressing issue. I think I'd rather die than go. I mean even if I do go, I'll just end up in the same state as before. I don't know, this might sound very weird. Is there anything I can do? Should I call my local relatives? They have 2 young kids that don't need to get exposed to this sorta thing. Even if they hospitalize me, I'm still getting kicked out of the country in 2 days... not that I'll let myself get hospitalized again. I think I'm kinda stuck. Any advice?