don't know what to do

I dont'know what todo

over at my parents place I found a tape the other day of when I was baptized. I knew my mother would be on it, so I didn't watch it. but today I did.

now I dont'knw waht to do
it starts off with her dressing me and talking to me
it's the first time ever that I hear her voice (consciously anyway.. I mean obviously she's spoken to me when I was a baby, but she died when I was 10 months so I can't remember her voice at all)
and It feels so weird
I keep rewinding and then watching that bit againand it hurts it hurts so much
it hurts so much I don't know what to do

it's fucking unfair and not good. fuck life fuck that fuck everything I don't knwo what to dos. Just want tog et drunk off myf ace.

 

:hug:
wow that's really hard.

just try and think about the good things about it. she loved you very much and didnt want to be separated from you, but life isnt always taking our wants into consideration. i'd imagine that she wanted you to be very happy, i dont think that she would want you to feel bad about missing her or anything like that. :hug: no matter what anyone says, it will still probably hurt a lot...just try to remember that your mom wanted the best for you and didnt want you to suffer because of her death.

 

I can't imagine what you are going through. But i hope that one day you can see this in another light, that you have this precious tape of you and your mother.

Please stay strong and don't turn to alcohol. You can do this and i will support you through it all.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. I lost my Mother when I was young and I know how it can wound a person. At least you have a record of how much she loved you. You will have that monet for the rest of your life. Apermamnent reminder.I believe that her soul still exists and if you pray and reach out she will hear you. Maybe seeing that clip was a way of her reaching out to you. I just said a prayer for you. After my Mother died I developed amnesia and thirty two years later I still don't remember her that well. I'm sure the pain you feel is beyond anyones ability to understand. I send you all my compassion and hope. It is so hard to know why tragedy occurs in our lives. I try to have faith that if I knew from an absolute perspective I would understand and be at peace. I pray that you find peace some day with this tragic event in your life.

Please feel free to PM or email if you need a friend.

Marty

 

Thank you for the replies.

 

Ester hunny,

Im so sorry hunny i wish i was there for you right now to give you a great big cuddle. I cant imagine what it must feel like one bit. i love you so deeply and lease believe me when i say you can talk to me anytime babe im always here for you no matter the time.

Love you always and i wish there was something i could do. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

I wish I knew what to say. However, I don't. So I will leave you with a :hug:

 

My pleasure let me know if you need help or to talk!!!!

Marty

 

My sister-law-died last year and left two little girls. I had to do the funeral.

All I can do/say to you is: :console:

It hurts and it makes no sense.

But, you have a lot of people who care here. :hugtackles:

And, maybe someday you will come to treasure the tape, pain and all.

tc

 

We do care. Please let us know how you are!!!!

 

I can't imagine how much that must hurt. It's only right that this should be weird for you, and painful, but as Marty said you have a record of how much she loved you, and I hope that as the pain of watching it fades you can treasure that.

Life isn't fair, and it's a terrible thing to lose someone so precious before you even got to know her. But know that she loved you so much, and that, whatever your beliefs, as long as you think of her and honour her memory she will live on for you.

Watch the tape as many times as you want or need to. Memorise her voice and try to hear the love in it. Please don't turn to alcohol. I can only imagine how hard this is to deal with, but alcohol won't help. Keep talking to us.

Mim

 

Thinking of you. Hope you're well!!!!