Dont know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wheredoigo, Oct 18, 2010.

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  1. wheredoigo

    wheredoigo Member

    For the past three years I've been feeling suicidal, blamed myself for my son dying and tried two years ago but it failed. I picked myself up got custody of my daughter and a new relationship and everything was fine. This february that relationship ended but I moved on for my daughters sake and found someone pretty quick, about a week or two to be exact. She was perfect for me and my daughter, on the 27th of August I got arrested for a minor charge that I didnt do which followed up with bail conditions going against my house meaning I couldnt enter it. So me and my daughter where homeless, that week my mum becomes ill. the 30th of september my mum died and she was the only one I could turn too I feel so alone and broke my bail conditions on the night of her funeral.

    The police are now looking for me I've lost my daughter who has went to stay with her gran and I have a method all sorted for tonight. I cant tell anyone and blame myself for my mum dying as she had stopped smoking for a year and only started when I last tried killing myself. She supported me and if she was here I wouldn't feel like this, I know if I go through with what I have planned tonight I wont be here tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my birthday and I cant face that day.
     
  2. Khloe

    Khloe Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for everything thats happened to you.
    But the police are looking for you..
    how come? it must be serious.
    You should go to the police, and do the right thing.
     
  3. wheredoigo

    wheredoigo Member

    Its just a stupid charge, that I know I will get off with but they are only looking for me because I broke my bail, I've never been in trouble with them before. But my kid has now gone to live with her gran and I dont get to see her and havent for over a week.
     
  4. Khloe

    Khloe Well-Known Member

    That can all be sorted. But you should do the right thing by telling
    the police where you are. They will find you, and you'll probably get in worser shit the longer you leave it.
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you lost your son....it's devastating to lose a child and I understand your pain and guilt...but you still have a daughter who needs you and you must fight to stay for her...
    I'm sorry you lost your Mum but she wouldnt want you blaming yourself for her death because it wasn't your fault..I believe she would want you to look after your daughter the way she looked after you..you are entitled to visitation rights so maybe get some legal advice on that.
    You need to get yourself some help asap so you don't hurt yourself...go to a doctor and tell him whats' happened or get to the nearest ER...The police may be more understanding if you get yourself proffesional help..
    remember you are grieving your Mums/sons loss so don't be too hard on yourself..
    We will be here tomorrow to help you through your birthday...so many of us here feel the same way about ours.
    take care
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2010
  6. wheredoigo

    wheredoigo Member

    I actually have full custody of her, I'm one of the only fathers who I know who won a court case. But I've fucked everything up, and there is no going back, I've spoke to her and she seems happy without me there, I dont want to hurt her or mess her up either. I havent cried once since my mum died I've just been preparing for today, I have everything in place no one will miss me for a few days since I'm kind of hiding anyway. So disapearing and doing what I need to do will more than likely work.
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't know how old your daughter is but I can assure you she will be devestated to lose her Dad...especially if you take your own life...suicide is so mch worse and will affect her forever....she's already lost her Mum...a grandmother is no substitute for her parents..
    I don't think it's too late for you...once the police find out about the funeral they won't be so hard on you I'm sure..
    Please don't hurt yourself so soon into your grief.....overwhelming grief stops us from thinking clearly....especially if you havnt cried...
    *hug*
     
  8. wheredoigo

    wheredoigo Member

    I just want my mum, it sounds stupid but thats all I want. She was the only one who saw me cry I was with her the night she died and the last thing she wrote was to ask where I was. I've tried everything possible my dad and brother just ignore me as I was the only one with her I feel they resent me for it. She died of throat and lung cancer but it came on all of a sudden and hit her hard. We where told she had a few days but she died that night. My life just doesnt seem worthwhile as I have no one to turn to at all. I've tried listening to sad songs but nothing is making me cry.
     
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