For the past three years I've been feeling suicidal, blamed myself for my son dying and tried two years ago but it failed. I picked myself up got custody of my daughter and a new relationship and everything was fine. This february that relationship ended but I moved on for my daughters sake and found someone pretty quick, about a week or two to be exact. She was perfect for me and my daughter, on the 27th of August I got arrested for a minor charge that I didnt do which followed up with bail conditions going against my house meaning I couldnt enter it. So me and my daughter where homeless, that week my mum becomes ill. the 30th of september my mum died and she was the only one I could turn too I feel so alone and broke my bail conditions on the night of her funeral. The police are now looking for me I've lost my daughter who has went to stay with her gran and I have a method all sorted for tonight. I cant tell anyone and blame myself for my mum dying as she had stopped smoking for a year and only started when I last tried killing myself. She supported me and if she was here I wouldn't feel like this, I know if I go through with what I have planned tonight I wont be here tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my birthday and I cant face that day.