I have been depressed for most of my life. A few years ago after trying numerous meds and therapy, I was not depressed for a few years. This year the depression has returned and for the first time in a long time I've been having serious thoughts of suicide. I still see a doctor but I am afraid to tell him about feeling suicidal because he might put me back in the hospital. I was sexually assaulted twice while in the hospital and would rather die or go to jail than ever be hospitalized again. Thinking of killing myself brings me such a feeling of peace, but I take care of someone who is disabled and would not want to leave her without anyone. That is the one thing holding me back from doing it. I can't tolerate much more of this depression. I've come to realize that meds alone aren't going to fix things and I know that I need to talk about certain issues with my doctor but It's just too hard. I can't deal with the horrible feelings that come up when I talk about things. I feel so trapped and don't know what to do.