dont know what to say here really

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Avarice, Nov 20, 2010.

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  1. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    cant be fucked with this life anymore. looked into citalopram overdoses and apparently you can slip into a coma which is a okay with me if death cant be achieved through it. my mum is a pig-faced piece of shit who should never have had children, i try to talk to her today about whats bothering me, asking her if she could just fucking take a step back for a second and i said it nicely and politely and what does she fucking do? starts shouting at me in the street, tells me to fuck off and then gets angry when she decides to be all nice to me again and i dont respond. she treats me like a verbal punch bag and nobody cares to believe me. not my doctor, or siblings or father.. they all think i overeact but they dont see her behind closed doors. they dont see her punching a box and saying "thats your face getting bashed in" or hear her call me a selfish bitch for not being able to sleep without a night light because im too scared of the dark. the only person who has seen what shes like is my ex boyfriend .. i was sitting there crying my eyes out and she just stood there in front of me calling me a retard and a bitch and i FUCKING HATE HER it hurts me so fucking much that she treats me like this and i just want out of this world :/ she thinsk she can get in my face and call me names and i wont retaliate and when i do she says im a vicious bitch and that she scared of me its bullshit its my brother shes scared off hes the one that throws things and hits people not me. i just go to my room and cry yet apparently i scare her what a fucking psycho. she just does it to make me into some kind of monster i wish i was fukcing dEAD ive had enough of pretending to be strong because im not
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your mother is so toxic towards you Is there anyone else you can talk to a teacher a councillor anyone Sometimes the people closest to us hurts us the most but soon you will have your own space and not have to deal with anyone right Only people you choose too. Hang on okay things will get better when you get your own space,
     
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    that's the tragic thing though.. i cant live in my own space. i have avoidant personality disorder and am extremely dependant on my mum for everything. i cant even call to make my own doc appointments she has to do it for me and when she goes away on holiday and its just me and my brother (who stays in his room the whole time) i get 1000x more depressed from being so lonely. apart from her there is no one else that can do those things for me so i am trapped here despite the way she treats me >_<
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    there are group homes that teach independance from care givers i am trying to get my duaghter more independant of me so when i am gone she will be able to do all the things necessary to live on her own. I hope you could get social worker working with you to help this to happen You would feel better if you did more for yourself i hope both you and your mother can work on this together getting you some independance take care
     
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