dont know what to say

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sunny, Jun 17, 2008.

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  1. sunny

    sunny Member

    hey, dont know what to say anymore, ive tried talking to my therapists dont even think they know what to do now and i think they wish id just get on with it. i got detained by police under the mental health act a couple of weeks ago and then they let me go the next day and i went into hospital that same night. ive felt like this so long i did alot of my growing up in units. ive failed at everything ive tried to do and today i couldnt help but wonder what if this is as good as it gets? just about managing to keep myself alive everyday, the only relief from a police cell where i cant get myself and no one can get at me. ive had enough, ive tried asking for help but they dont want to know, my cpn asked me if i felt safe the otherday, i said no, she said not to worry and she'd call me the next day. i dont want to live like this anymore, i cant keep crying!
     
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Crying is ok :hug:

    Why do you feel like you've failed at everything?
     
  3. sunny

    sunny Member

    hiya

    because i can see the disapointment on everyones faces, i wanted people to like me think i was worth something but they know i just cant do it. my therapists are annoyed because i just stop trying, apparently ive switched myself off, which bothers them, my day is now consumed with thoughts of how i just dont want to make it through the day. everyone else is just annoyed because i havent acted like this for years. i tried so hard to be what they all wanted, just cant do it
     
  4. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    i'm so sorry. you sound like you've had it rough too. i honestly don't know what to say. if you ever need anyone to listen, i'm here. i really am a good listener and i know how you feel. i have tried so hard and so long just to have people accept me. i've effed up everything about me just so that my family would accept me. still, if you ever need someone to listen i'm here. :hug: oh and this may sound kind of lame, but i hope that you keep writing on SF. it helps a lot just to get stuff off your chest (the vent section is amazing too).

    -Byron
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sunny,
    Are you taking your meds? You need to take them so you can take this edge off. When did you see yourshrink lately? I can relate to you because my depression is coming back full force.I don't know what triggered it this time.
    Using my daughter and my grandaughter as means to avoid commiting. That is not helping like it did. She refuses to move back down here. She tells me she is scared, probably because she was always running away. I didn't want her on the streets here. This is a transiet town. I sent her back up north where if she runs away it is alot safer because it is a small town she lives in. The thing she is missing is that I love her. And I want to be there for my grandaughter.
    I didn't have the oppurtunity to watch my daughter grow up. She ended up in foster homes and facilities for troubled youths. She is always getting in trouble there. You would think she would jump on it. I even had her a car so she can get around.
    Well now that I have bent your ear,how about PMing me so we can talk off line...:chopper:
     
  6. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    It is tough and can relate about being switched off with therapist. Have they offered any suggestions.

    try to take one day at a time
     
  7. sunny

    sunny Member

    hiya,

    they never offer any suggesstions, im soo angry with them at the moment, dont know why! that sounds awful i know, they just say some really stupid things sometimes and when i need them they're never there. my relationship with them seems to be going downhill more all the time, i do like them and they can really listen but at the moment it's like they know whats going on so they dont want to listen to anything else. they really upset me the other day, well one of the therapists in the group did when they refered to the other one as being a relly good mum to me! what the hell is that about? i just want them to hear what im saying because it feels like im going mad and i dont know what else to say to them or what else i can do! any suggestions, i could really do with some help! :sad:
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Do you know you have a right to review your records. They can't deny you. Have you tried talking to one of the nurses? From my point of view the nurses and the floor techs usually can be very helpfull. The nurses pretty much know what is happening in each persons records.
    Is there any one you can lean on? I know therapists can be tuff. The one I had before this one all she did was talk about her own troubles with depression, anxiety, etc.etc.etc. I stopped seeing her after the first session.
    The one I am seeing now I really like.She has had her fair share of problems and she rose up and kicked there ass. She went to school and became a therapist. She is making the big bucks. We are here for you so don't be afraid to open up...:chopper:
     
  9. sunny

    sunny Member

    hiya,

    my therapists are a closed book, they dont tell you anything about themselves, they're a bit wierd like that! i dunno guess just have to try harder, im supposed to go to my individual session on friday but im not gonna go, i need time to think, although apparently when i do its notwhat others call productive! i dont care anymore, thats the kinda mood im in at the mo, its all just getting worse
     
  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    That was part of my downfall. I became too concerned with how I thought I should be & how they wanted me to be rather than how I actually was.

    I became frustrated with my cpn because she just didn't seem to be listening to what I was saying. I was trying so hard to put a brave face on it when really I was & still am falling apart.

    Are you going back to see your therapist soon? I think sometimes it's easy to get stuck in a rut (so to speak) with your therapist. I know in my case I'll go in week in week out (well fortnightly) & say exactly the same thing that I did the last time. It's almost like I am too scared to tell them the truth cos I know they won't help me...but I am sure if they actually asked how I was & meant it then I would tell them the truth.

    Hmm this post has turned into a total waffle (sorry). Keep posting as we are all here for you :hug:
     
  11. sunny

    sunny Member

    hi

    i keep going week in week out telling them the truth. they said its got to the point when they get a phonecall regarding me their hearts leap to their mouths. they tell me how upsetting it is for them. how do they think i feel? some days i cant go out because i know if i do i wont be going home. im trying so hard to keep myself safe recently after the last time i was let out of hospital but ive lost the will to care again now, there really isnt any point because they dont know why i feel like destroying myself any better than i do, im losing the plot all over again. their probably gonna ask me why i didnt go and talk to them again soon.
     
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Sunny,
    You are definitly wound up. is there anything we can do to help you? Are you on meds? Have you been taking them? Just trying to get an Idea of what is going on with you.
    Yes I agree therapists can be horses ass's. I was fortunate, each time I have been in the hospital I have had a really nice therapist. And she was beautiful. It's hard to concentrate with your tongue hanging out of your mouth.(haha) Just trying a little humor to see if it helps you to think more level. If there is anything I can do for you PM me. I am up and down at all kinds of hours. I only sleep for one or two hours and then I am back up. This might sound weird but I get up and drink a pot of coffee then I go back to bed. Everyone wonders about me. They say that probably is part of my problem. I don't think so because a few years back I would go on no sleep binges. Most of the time I would go for three days. You start hallucinating when you torture your body that way.
    Well like I said if you need to talk You know how to get ahold of me...:chopper:
     
  13. delargeal

    delargeal Well-Known Member

    I suppose that's the problem with stuff like this: we always have to suffer in secret.

    I'm tired of going through life day in and day out and just pretending I'm a normal healthy person.

    We try so hard to be what people want us to be because that's all we know really. We know people can't handle us and we can never sit there and openly declare our problems for fear of anger, hatred and accusations of attention seeking.

    If I ever admitted my problems to people, they'd probably believe I was only attention seeking. I hate those two words. Most of us here are probably some of the most non-social people in the world. How the hell are we supposedly attention seeking when we try our hardest not to be noticed?

    Sorry if that turned into a bit of a rant.
     
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