Well that's one less drama in my day.. not much of a title for a forum topic though. How do you know if you're crazy? How do you know if you're really suicidal? I think I'm suicidal? I had a nervous breakdown & went to a hospital for the mentally ill a few months ago. I get happy.. so happy I could sing at the top of my voice in Public.. but then I got so sad I cried for a week. I don't think that Men shouldn't cry. I think it's OK to cry. I don't know how to be normal.. or what normal even is? ..I think? Maybe I am normal, and this is all just some stupid crap I'm pulling for attention? I'm happiest at home in front of a computer. I don't like to go out. - I avoid going out. I can talk normally to people, but I hate it. It's a chore. I'm sad at typing this because I think I'm defective. I don't think my wife loves me. I don't want anything. Not food, not anything. I sleep 16 hours a day sometimes. I stay up at night because I can't bear the pain of my wife leaving for work in the morning. - If I stay up, I usually sleep through her leaving. My wife said she was going to leave me in 2002, and then again in Jan 2007. But after begging, and crying hard she changed her mind. I cut myself with scissors - on numerous occasions. I have cuts on my face at the moment. I put a rope around my neck to see if I thought I could bear to be hanged. - I don't think it would be that traumatic a way to die. My father has Alzheimers and is getting so bad he threw his teeth in the bin - I don't think he'll live much longer and that makes me sad. My wife hates my Mother & won't visit my dieing father with me. - I have to go alone. About 2 Months ago, I got sad & angry & tried to kick & hurt my wife. - She forgave me. I haven't hurt her physically since, or before then. I hate myself for hurting her. I say horrible, spiteful, hurtful things to my wife sometimes. I feel a bit better for typing this. My first business went bankrupt. - It cause me & my wife to go personally bankrupt. Why do I bother with trying? I don't know why I'm sad. I just tried to tell you all my problem, but I don't know what it is? All I do know is that I feel like my wife doesn't love me because she chooses to work away from me, and she's trying to have a life of her own now - not necessarily without me. Our children are old - 14, 15. I think she will leave me when they leave home. She doesn't want any more children. I don't know what to do, but I'm still here. I can't force my wife to love me, and I can't bring myself to leave her. I can't live with her in a normal manner (not being depressed about us) without hateing her. I love her dearly. I miss my wife. I'm not allowed to feel upset or depressed about this, because it's not really my emotions, it's just the depression talking. There's nothing wrong with my wife getting a job. Even if I can pay her $1,000.00 a day, she should be allowed to go out & work wherever she wants! But what if it's not the depression? Why doesn't she want to work with me? Why am I defective? This is so insignificant & pathetic. I'm pathetic & deserve to die. What a petty insignificant little person I am for thinking this way. Why do I think thins way? I just want to be normal. But I don't know what normal is. I should die. Till death do us part. That was a promise. I want to die, but I can't do it. I hate myself for can't doing it. I hate me. Sorry for drivelling on. OMG, I don't know where to end. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLKJFKJRBGQ:WUFPUQWU$PQ#~!