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Don't know where else to post *Triggering*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by issacweirdo, Dec 27, 2008.

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  1. issacweirdo

    issacweirdo Active Member

    Some of you probably don't even remember me from a year ago (can't blame). I do, however, have a question now. I didn't know where else to post this, mostly because I don't consider this suicide; what is this feeling then? I have no regard for human life (I believe it should be exterminated). I feel no sympathy when others die or are in sadness (sounding like a homicidal maniac now), I don't give a sh!t if my family dies (lunatic...), and the only things I care about is everything else that isn't human. What the hell am I suppose to do then? I'm always gloomy and wish the worst for other people, yet everyone I know likes me. I act subconsciously and show this false personality full of BS, just to impress others. I have outstanding grades, good friends and support, *somewhat* strong family relationship, and am courteous to others and *supposedly* their feelings. Of course, I laugh at the non-sense I prepare for others. Truth is, I wish humans die and everything left on Earth can reign for an eternity. For crying out loud, I use to be a fu@%ing satanist! I might just become one again also (non-dedicated, so I can still change my decision). I hate the fu$%ing society and the morals/immoral/laws/media + the BS that everyone spreads around. I hate it how people depict of others "evil" and "good" and how it just spreads. For ex., catholics depict satan as "evil" and that all those who sin must be punished. What about, however, the satanists? They never got a say in the community. Of course, the ancient rituals they performed contradicted with society's morals, not exactly making them "popular" for others to join. That still doesn't mean they can't represent themselves unto the community. BTW, the satanists also consider catholics as "evil" and believe they will all burn in "hell" or get reincarnated for their supposedly "sins". Someone who does not accept the society's morals/immoral/...etc. can understand where I am coming from; it's just a cycle of hatred, for crying out loud! I used to wish to abandon society and live in the wild; but how the hell am I suppose to do that when society is disrupting nature, while at the same time making it more difficult for other life forms to survive? In my opinion, nothing "good" came of humans and their creations; it has simply wrought destruction upon others who have already inhabited the Earth before long they have. In conclusion, what the fu$# am I and how the hell can I end this monstrosity my mind is becoming? Btw, I have no absolute feelings of suicide whatsoever; I do, however, have feelings of causing the extinction of the human race.

    This is, of course, very little of my beliefs; I am, however, bored and too lazy to proof-read my post. I did correct some errors "here and there" in order to help the reader understand my post more clearer. I also experience these feelings every second of my life; even if I wish to or not. I feel something is missing though....
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sounds like you got hurt a long time ago and haven't recovered.
    I agree that society's laws and morals are more harmful than helpful. Mostly to instill guilt in us.
    I've felt like I wanted everything on this Earth to die before. I love end of the world movies and got obsessed with studying about 2012 (end of the Mayan Calendar, supposed end of the world.) I rejoice at it.

    That you wish the worst for people, sounds like you might have some psychopathic traits. Not that that's a bad thing. I know when I read about traits of a sociopath I could identify with a few. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with these traits, it's just that it keeps the pain inside longer. The fact that you wish the worst for people tells me that you are in pain.

    I don't know what happened or when, but it sounds like something killed your spirit, your heart, your ability to feel. I would definitely suggest seeing a therapist if you haven't one already.
    I would think your post is saying that you want to change. That you want to be able to feel. I would assume that's why you're here. If not, nothing wrong with that, but the ability to feel is something special :hug:

    best of luck and all my love,
  3. issacweirdo

    issacweirdo Active Member

    Hah, funny thingy actually. I also studied the end of the world at "2012". Also, nothing actually impacted me. I may have posted previous posts that may have suggested that, but for the time being nothing actually happened. I seriously have the "perfect life". I just have a disgust towards others and their minds. The only reason why I still stay in this forum is because I find it as a fun "challenge" to see other's problems and try to solve them. It also provides good practice for my mind and insight of how to solve them if they ever arise in my situation.
    I guess you can also say I wish to change my type of thinking. I want to "feel" how it would be like to have someone love you or be friends with you and accept the feeling, not to reject it constantly.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    The perfect life according to whose standards?
    You say you reject society, but wouldn't you be claiming your life perfect by society's standards?
    It sounds like there are some things you like to change, like you said in your "edit." Wouldn't your life not be perfect then?
    Can life be perfect?
  5. issacweirdo

    issacweirdo Active Member

    Well, I only replied with "perfect life" because most of the members here regard that as a "perfect life". I only said that so that others can help understand my situation more clearly. You, however, is clearly regarding my case with a logical eye. In that case, I shall also reply in a logical manner, excuse me for my nonsense earlier. In reality, my life is sh!t. Someone with a biased mind, however, can regard my life as a "perfect life". Just like you have noted earlier, in truth there is no such thing as "perfection" for there will always be flaws. I also wish to change many things of my life; for starters, having nothing to do with humans.
    That, however, is impossible. (Refer to last sentence)
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2008
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about having a 'perfect life'
    It seems in most cases i have a really good life, i have loving parents, plenty of money, i can get whatever i want when i want it if i ask. On the outside i really have no reason to be depressed. Or to cut. Or to want to die.
    Yet i do
    And i can't help but wonder why.
    It seems that feelings of suicide, depression etc do not manifest themselves in those with bad lives. It infects those of any class, of any lifestyle. It isn't biased.
    That just seems to me to be the way it works :/
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I hope that your satanic lifestyle is working for you issac, but I'm worried when you say that you don't really care if anyone lives or dies and that you have no regard for human life. Do you really have that much hatred and contempt for human beings as a whole? :unsure:
  8. issacweirdo

    issacweirdo Active Member

    I honestly have no regard for human life. I also don't care who lives or dies. For crying out loud, I don't even care about my own life. I am not, however, willing to give it up.

    I also have an infinite amount of hatred for human beings as a whole. As I am writing, I am having convulsions in my back travelling to the top of my spine (...or that could just be I'm cold -_-). I see almost something that's dead every day of my life. No matter how small or big it is, there is a clear message; humans are destroying other forms of life. It's also ironic in some cases; in sundays, my family force me to goto church with them (they are catholic). We are travelling to church by car in order to plead for our sins and show our "love" and "affection" towards our supposedly "savior". Supposedly "God" loves all of his things of creation; ironically, I see a dead dog, cat, or raccoon roadkilled. How can "God" take care of humans if he can't even take care of something much more smaller and helpless?

    Shoot; I still feel I'm missing something in my posts....
    Oih! Now I remember. In reply to "LenaLunacy"s post;
    is what you said, correct?
    I have also pondered that personally myself. The solutions I came up weren't exactly educated solutions that have lots of evidence to back it up; it is still, however, solutions. The solution I came up is that perhaps it is "too little" or "too much" of something that causes our depression. (Er, theories.) It's still in it's developmental stage, however I feel I'm getting closer to the answer.

    There are theories, however, in how to end depression and pain (Eh, and partially what causes it). In Buddhism, it is mentioned that the cause of desire and the end of desire help create pain and depression or to end it, respectively. If someone eliminates desire, then the feelings can be eliminated.

    In a way, that makes sense, speaking from a philosophical perspective. That's just simply one example; there are more religions that offer different variety of answers. I recommend for you to research on that subject with the handy tool of them all (biased); the internet!

    I still feel I'm missing something....
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2008
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