Don't know where to begin **Possible Triggers*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Invisible Child, Nov 30, 2014.

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  1. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    I know that I have been a handful lately and I am sorry for that. However, I struggle daily to even find a reason to get out of bed, I don't want to wake up in the mornings. I am trapped in my own head with no hope of getting out. I have not been this low in I can't even tell you how long. Yea, I have down times just as everyone else does but this is not getting better. I just keep finding myself staring into space thinking of ways that I can take myself out of this world and make it look like an accident.

    Even though I always have people around me (not by choice) I feel so totally alone, like I do not fit in no matter what I do or say. I will admit that I am the one that has isolated myself but I have done so for a reason. If I push people away then when the times comes and I am no longer a part of this world it would not matter to them. People will only stick around for so long before they walk away saying the hell with it. I just hope that I can push everyone away before that time comes. "You can make it".... I have heard that so many times. I am not as strong as people think, I feel like the weakest person in the world right now.

    Yes, I do have a therapist and she is a wonderful lady but I have cancelled our last 3 appointments mainly because of work. Hell, work fired me because I missed 3 days because of pneumonia, I even had doctors notes for being out. But that didn't even matter, I still got fired. No I do not have a job so I will have to come up with another reason that I can make it. I just don't see a point anymore :Cry: . I can't find a reason for anything anymore, I am numb to pain, even times of self harm, there is no feeling. I feel so dead inside.
  2. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I also feel trapped inside of my own head with no hope. It's a terrible feeling and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you were ill can you not get labor board involved as you are allowed sick time in any job You can get another job you can you had that one you can get another
    People will care no matter how hard you push them away they will care hun the will if you leave
  4. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Because I was still in my probation period there isn't really anything that can be done. Plus Ky is an "at will" state meaning that they don't even have to have a reason to fire me. But in reality I really don't care about the job, it was the fact that I had something to distract me during the day... now I have to much time to think and research things that I know will not turn out good in the end.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi honey I am sorry, I did not see this until now. You matter and you deserve to feel better. I know you are a very strong person. You always know how to make others feel better, sometimes we are our own worst enemies, toxic to ourselves, try and not self harm hun , I know much easier said than done but I have great belief in you Clara!

    Love you big sis :hug:
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