I know that I have been a handful lately and I am sorry for that. However, I struggle daily to even find a reason to get out of bed, I don't want to wake up in the mornings. I am trapped in my own head with no hope of getting out. I have not been this low in I can't even tell you how long. Yea, I have down times just as everyone else does but this is not getting better. I just keep finding myself staring into space thinking of ways that I can take myself out of this world and make it look like an accident. Even though I always have people around me (not by choice) I feel so totally alone, like I do not fit in no matter what I do or say. I will admit that I am the one that has isolated myself but I have done so for a reason. If I push people away then when the times comes and I am no longer a part of this world it would not matter to them. People will only stick around for so long before they walk away saying the hell with it. I just hope that I can push everyone away before that time comes. "You can make it".... I have heard that so many times. I am not as strong as people think, I feel like the weakest person in the world right now. Yes, I do have a therapist and she is a wonderful lady but I have cancelled our last 3 appointments mainly because of work. Hell, work fired me because I missed 3 days because of pneumonia, I even had doctors notes for being out. But that didn't even matter, I still got fired. No I do not have a job so I will have to come up with another reason that I can make it. I just don't see a point anymore :Cry: . I can't find a reason for anything anymore, I am numb to pain, even times of self harm, there is no feeling. I feel so dead inside.