Don't know where to start.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Fizzled, Oct 1, 2010.

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  1. Fizzled

    Fizzled Member

    I found this site a few months ago, I was skeptical, but as my problems rise more, it appears I have become desperate.

    I'm 24, and I've lost the will to live. I don't even know how to explain myself anymore....

    But hi SF.
  2. Fizzled

    Fizzled Member

    2nd welcome thread.. -.-

    Since my first one got removed or something. Am I really invisible to everyone?

    Proves to be the case.

    Anyway, I came here for advice, help and support and it looks like people here hate me already. Thanks for making me feel unwelcomed.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Re: 2nd welcome thread.. -.-

    I am not sure what happened, but I do know that last night we had a glich in our system...sorry you feel unwelcome; it was never our intention...welcome and we are truly glad you found us...big hugs, J
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...sorry, just saw your thread...what you can, please tell us what is going on and how we can be there to support you...welcome again and so glad you decided to join us...big hugs, J
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum fizzled. I hope you find helpful support here. :hug:
  6. Fizzled

    Fizzled Member

    Hm, well I don't really know where to start.

    I've suffered from depression when I was 10, attempted many suicides over the past 8 years, diagnosed with bipola, and I suffer from something called mania, whatever that means.

    Anyway, I've been going round in circles all my life.
    My biological dad died, my mom met my step dad when I was 11. My mom disowned me, threw me out on the streets and my step dad was disappointed in her. He left her, and then.. I don't really know what happened as I was struggling to find myself in this world. There is more to my history, but most of it is too traumatic for me. Even to think about it, I just wish I was never around.

    Recently he died of cancer, five/six years now. My mom only had the balls to tell me a couple of years ago. During that time when I didn't know.. I had longed to get back into bonding with my step dad only to find this out. It broke me, and I've never let it go.
    But I carried on, going in another circle of meeting a boyfriend, moving in with them, getting abused, leave, become homeless, repeat.
    I didn't know what I had to do to make whoever in this forsaken world care about me. But I tried to carry on.
    I then started to play World of Warcraft, it was my only escapism, and it saved my life.
    There I met my on/off boyfriend of 2 years. Recently we've hit a really low patch, he constantly abuses me, in many ways than one, and often makes me feel very low about myself.
    This ontop of everything else I have to cope with, I have just become an empty body, and it breaks me.

    As for my current situation as of now, I have no support, no support network, no family, friends, home, job, money. My boyfriend kicked me out, and now I have 25 days to sort myself out. But I can't. I've tried so hard to throw myself at employers, or people to make friends with, but I have failed myself.
    Last night I spent all night looking up methods of killing myself (again). I have also had voices in my head, these happen often, and I often see myself dead. Like a deja vu, I guess.

    I just have nothing left to live for, and I'm on borrowed time right now... I have no idea what to do or think anymore.
  7. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    im sorry to hear what you have been going trough :(
    nobody deserves to be treaten the way you boyfriends has done to you. you are currently not living with him anymore i hope ? as for your mother, she sounds heartless. have you tried to contact an woman support shelter ? under no circumstances you may let your boyfriend continue to abuse you. he is an bastard for taking advantage of you. pls think about visiting a womens shelter if you have noone to turn to. nobody deserves what you have gone trough :(
  8. Fizzled

    Fizzled Member

    I am considering a refuge/women's shelter right now, I am still living with him, but it won't be for long, fortunately. :)

    Thanks all for the encouraging messages too. :pinkrose:
  9. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, fizz!

    I hope you find a place here and feel okay to talk about whatever is bothering you.
    Sometimes, getting it all out can help you feel a bit less stressed.
  10. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Here are some comforting words:

    Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

    Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

    So don't give up in life. Wait and hope for better days.
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