Don't know where to turn

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by misunderstood41, Jul 28, 2012.

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  1. misunderstood41

    misunderstood41 New Member

    Hello Everyone,
    Let me start by saying how much it saddens me that there are so many people on here. I was sort of hoping it would be just a few. I would not wish these thoughts or this kind of pain on anyone.

    Here is my story and what I have gone through in the past year:

    After 9 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, my husband left me and told me he was gay in an email (classy, huh). He is now living with his gay lover.

    I fell down the stairs and am now in excruciating pain and can barely walk, but no one will help me because I have no insurance

    I have been out of work for quite some time and am finding it impossible to find work in any field, though I search daily and fill out hundreds of applications (I have a Masters Degree mind you)

    I am staying with my parents, but they are leaving to move to FL in a week and I have no money and nowhere to go

    I lost my license for three months due to a first offense DUI (yes, I know, that one is my own fault)

    I literally have no idea where I am going to go when my parents leave in a week. I have no money or job to pay for rent. I am petrified at my future or lack thereof. I feel this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. My usual way to escape is pills or alcohol, but I know that just makes things worse and I cannot imagine feeling any worse than I do now. This morning I could barely get out of bed. My arms and legs feel like weights and I just do not see any hope for my future, only despair. I fear I will be living in my car once my parents leave. Not to mention, I am in constant unbearable pain due to my back and cannot get an MRI or any therapy because I have no way to pay for it. I find it close to impossible to act happy in front of family and friends. It is so draining. Even just talking is difficult right now. The problem with that is I come off like a snob or mean, which I am not. It is just such a struggle to put on that mask and pretend everything is fine when I am dying inside. My parents do not understand Depression at all. They think I should stop feeling sorry for myself and snap out of it. Like if I could do that I wouldn't, please!!! Who would want to feel this way? I would do anything to feel better. I don't see any possibilities in my future. What am I going to do? Can anyone help me?
    Open to suggestions . . . .
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If you go to an emergency room they cannot turn you away...this way you can connected with a social worker who would know what you are eligible for, and would get relief from your pain and prevent future damage...also, many hospitals, especially rehab centers have vocational rehab with counselors who may be able to assist you in finding employment
  3. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    My first husband was gay but didn't bother to tell me although all the signs were there. I found out in marriage counseling. I stuck it out for 13 yrs. because we had a child. He has been terribly emotionally abusive to me and my child since I left him. I had to move on. I couldn't stay in a marriage like that my whole life. Forgive yourself-you didn't know. I'm sorry for all you are going through. I can understand it as I've been left financially ruined and have 2 college degrees. It's surreal, like the world has been flipped upside down. Have you considered going to FL with your parents until you can get on your feet? The people closest to you NEVER understand depression-they are in denial that anything could be wrong with a family member or close friend-they don't want to see it. They simply turn away or get fed up dealing with someone with depression. Do you have a counselor you can talk to? A lot of churches and chaplains at hospitals have resources for people that have lost everything-food, housing, etc. Blessings.
  4. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    hey Mis,

    First, sending you love. That sounds like a S@#$ sandwich.

    Second, when people don't understand depression, they'll tell you to cheer up and be strong. That's pretty freakin annoying. This is a place to talk to people who totally get what it's like to feel like S#$. So you can be honest and talk freely. That by itself relieves a LOT of burden because you don't have to be fake and lie.

    Grief is necessary. You WILL heal from it; it WILL get better later. Right now just talk and talk and get it out. We're all here.
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