Don't know who I am anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by VonBlown, Dec 6, 2009.

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  1. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Ever since I was a kid, it really frightened me that everyone was going to die.

    I caught crohns disease when I was 16, and part of my colon removed and 3 ft. of my small entestine. My skin problems started around that time period also.

    for almost 30 years I had constant diarriah. And my skin progressively got worse.

    Life was liveable though, I just had to go to the bathroom a lot, and just wore old clothes, and stayed out of the wind because of my skin. I didn't work to much and lived at home with my parents.

    About a year ago, my crohns turned into IBS-C. Irratable bowel syndrome with constant constipation. Everything I've taken for it, seemed to work fine at first for a couple of weeks then stopped working. I have to take massive doses of laxatives, enemas and fiber. Just to stop all the excess stool built up from shutting off my urinary function.

    My skin is constantly erupting, and I can't find any new clothes that don't make the situation worse. I have a limited amount of clothing I can wear, and what I have is falling apart. I've tried endless pieces of new and used clothing, but only very few pieces can I wear. (*Fabrics are all processed differently, no matter what the tag says)

    I was in the Emergency room 6 months ago, not being able to urinate. And they couldn't even get a catheter in me. They gave me cypiro a antibiotic which let me have stools and urinate fine for about 10 days. then completly stopped working.

    Since then it's been one laxative after another. This morning, I took 8 doses of Mirilax, 3 doses of Senna, a half bottle of Mag. Citrate and some metamucil. The Mag. Citrate is very potent, it also makes my skin break out more when I use it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 6, 2009
  2. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    I've seen a bunch of doctors about the IBS, all they can say is take more laxatives. And we'll give you more tests. And surgery is a last resort. Surgery would be something like a colostomy, where they remove your colon, and put a whole in your side, and give you a bag to poddy in.(I have to travel a 165 miles to get medical help becasue I'm on medicade, without the benifit of SSI) The laxatives make it diffucult for me to breathe. And I have sore joints from it. And if I didn't take multiple enzymes, I would have sores all over my body, and I couldn't even lay down.

    I have an appointment with dermotology for the skin problem as it's become unbearable.

    But I don't go anywhere anymore just sit in my chair, I'm always afraid and having panic attacks constantly. All I do is talk about my medical problems to my mom all day long. My dad just tells me to shut up he doesnt want to hear it.
  3. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Am feeling really down, ate some pizza bread, and drank the other half bottle of mag citrate.

    Feel like I have a bunch of poop stuck in my rectum, even after all the laxatives.

    Just got banned in chat here, said I encourged self harm. Made me really sad feel like just doing my self in right now.

    Another person asked me if I ever smoked marijuana for my crones disease. And I said yes I use to screen it and vaporize it and smoke it from a soldering gun. But didn't anymore as it was to potent and made me constipated and gave me panic attacks.

    I was kicked out yesterday, for talking about my medical problems in the wrong room.

    I'm starting to wonder what kind of site this really is?
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm so sorry for all the medical problems you're having to deal with. I know there isn't much I can say, but just wanted you to know I'm listening, and I care.
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    First of all you'll be able to get back into chat in a week. I cannot speak to the warnings and bans right now becuase I don't have all the information but telling someone how to use pot in the best possible method is encouraging self-harm.

    OK, now, about your does it affect you? Does not eating pizza and other types of rich foods affect your disease? I know people with Chroh'n's. I think they are very careful about what they eat. But, maybe you could tell me.

    Don't off yourself over an issue like this. We would like to help you. Maybe the best place is the forums. But, remember...for the whole site...the ethos is "do no harm"

    Also, the most important thing to remember in chat is to follow the advice of the monitors. They are not kids! They are experienced with chat and regardless of age know the rules and try to make the site safe for all.

    In the future if you have an issue...bring it to Letters To Management. We want you and the other members to be safe...that is of the utmost importance, but we would like to help you with whatever issues you have.

    Please take care and stick'll find support here.

  6. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    The problem is the unending super constipation. The tech that did my urodynamics test showed me I was compleltly backed up with stool. Even after the over dose of all the laxatives, enemas, and fiber.

    It shuts off my urination, and will rupture my colon, if it doesn't stop.

    Eating any type of bread just makes it worse. But it doesn't seem to matter, and it just gets worse anyway.
  7. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    And I wasn't telling anyone to use pot. I was talking about my medical problems and one of the people asked me if I ever smoked cannabis for the problems associated with crones disease. I said yes, and how i smoked it and that I stopped as I had problems with it.
  8. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Have to go to the dermotologist today, my face is all broke out, I look monsterous. Had wild panic attacks all last night. Hate having people see me like this. When I was there last time, and couldn't see the doctor nobody looked bad like I did. Most people probably do themselves in when their face gets all screwed up like mine.
  9. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Got really cold and snowy here, the snow blower broke down. And even though I have problems breathing I went out again and again to clean up the snow with a shovel, that the snow plows kept throwing into the drive and side walk.

    Was exhausted couldn't finish it. My mother paid the neighbor to finish it. still more snow was thrown in during the night. My mother couldn't park her car in the drive way. Made me feel so bad. I use to blow all the snow right out for her.
  10. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    dermotologist, says that now on top of everything else I have staph infection, along with dermatitas. The staph is on my back in the form of red big and little red spots patches and few boil type liasions. I've had this condition since I was 16. gave me scripts for a 176 dollars worth medicine, pricey stuff that I don't really have money for.

    Staph can be really dangerous, as over time it can get into everything, your heart, your bones, your brain even. That might be why I can't breathe right. All I do is see doctors can't afford to see another one.

    The treatment seems to be working somewhat, but my skin is being irritated from bathing everyday. The dermatologist, was puzzled by my clothes problem. And said it be might coiencedence, that I broke out more when I tried on new clothes. I told him it has happened to many times to be that. He said just try the medication and see what happens.
  11. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Was really scared last night having panic attacks, having trouble breathing. My dad started a fight with me and recorded only what I said with a small pocket recorder I bought him as a gift. He played it for my mom, and told her, he was just sitting there. And I went crazy on him.

    Everything is so much trouble for me. A lot of the time when it diffucult to urinate. The urine will spray out at low volume so I'll urinate on my pants, if I'm not extremely careful. Or the urine will go outside of the tolite bowl. Then I'll still be dribbling for a while after the urination. I have to wrap my penis in tolite paper so it doesn't leak into my pants. The urologist said a lot of guys have a dribble after urinating, and there wasn't anything medically that could be done for it. I tried wearing adult diapers, but they were to irritating to my skin.
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really sorry about the argument, and about all the medical issues you have to deal with. :hug:
  13. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Thanks wild cherry, not getting to many replies from regular people. They probably think, wow this guy really should commite suicide, he never gets a break.

    I'd much rather live but I'm so tired of all the mental and medical problems, but keep hoping the lord will take me to a better place. I get so scared when I think about dying though.

    I'm to much of a coward to take my own life. I suppose there is a point when even a coward breaks down and could do something rash.
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