Dont know why I have to be the problem

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Mar 30, 2016.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I dont know why my roommate and neighbor have been angry and snapping at me lately. I had a fight with my roomate because she snapped at me for asking her a question as to wether or not she wanted to keep a bottle that was full of liquid or if I could return it. Telling me when does she ever not drink her drinks? I said I dont know, when your sick or not feeling well like you have lately? Then complaining I dont talk loud enough. I am getting so sick of being treated this way and so I foght back this time and told her maybe she needed her ears checked. (Yea I did escalate it but Im so sick of just being told Im annoying or a burden and want to just stick up for myself for once) I ask her today why she is mad at me and she just tells me she needs space. And really I think she is just seriously sleep deprived. She keeps being out all day avoiding being home. And complains all the time about Henry being in the way, or me annoying her, or so and so pissing her off.

    My neighbor asked if I wanted to return cans with her and go can hunting. But I only read the return part. So I came out from that fight with my roomie to meet up with her and needed to get my service dog in training out (he had been couped up for 2 days) so I told her I would bring him. But I didnt realize she wanted to go hunting also and didnt think I had the energy to do so. She noticed I was off and asked what was wrong so I just told her I thought (and I did) she meant just returning them, not looking for more. (And avoided talking about the fight because I didnt think she needed to know nor did I care to talk about it) She told me ok, I could go and get Henry out and she would go herself with the cans. Well I messaged her later in the evening to ask how the canning went. She told me she didnt want to talk. Texted her today and asked how she was. No response. Asked her if she was mad at me or something and just not returning messages or what. Apparently she is. But I still dont know what I did wrong. She told me I was condesensing and didnt even bother to knowor ask her how she was going to do things on her own.. Well.. She told me she would be fine on her own and I told her where to go so I assumed she would be fine. I dont know how I was condesending. And she told me she felt like I wasnt treating her like a friend like she was inconviniencing me. (Which to be honest she kind of was because I had planned to do something else and had gone back home to go do canning with her) Yet she well understands I have my own disabilities (physical) and limits. And I am sure I told her I wasnt sure I could physically walk around all day. (She is in a wheelchair) So I apologyzed but still dont understand what I did wrong. And it is eating at me.

    Why am I always the one at fault? Why am I the one "bothering" everyone else? Why is it never anyone elses fault? Am I really that annoying and such a burden? Just because I need to take care of my own needs too? Just because I am capable of sticking up for what I want now? And getting sick of being put down? Or am I in the wrong? And if I am, what exactly did I do wrong?
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Communication is challenging. And it can be especially so when dealing with individuals whom we interact with on a daily basis. The roommate, well it sounds like she's got a lot that is stressing her out on her plate right now, as you said she was not sleeping, sick and feeling unwell. All of those things combined could have led to the dispute in the kitchen. So they didn't necessarily have to do with you other than the fact that you were there: wrong place, wrong time sort of a thing. And whoever your living with is going to get on your nerves from time to time. It just happens, even in the best of scenarios. Plus you mentioned something about standing up for yourself for a change. Well that difference could have also been jarring enough to set her off (not that this was anything that you did wrong per se; no, not by any means). Because it may have been a curve ball for her, something she was unprepared for and unused to. And sometimes when people get in uncomfortable situations, they become irritable. So, try not to sweat it! She requested some space, I'd by all means give it to her.

    As for the neighbor, this may have been an extension or a carryover of sorts from the roommate dust up. It began with a misinterpretation of her note, as you said, and so you were both entering into an engagement of sorts, with different expectations in mind. And when one party realized their needs were not going to be met--as they had planned--disappointment ensued. Now maybe this isn't how it happened, but it is possible that your mood was affected and translated to your behavior, even if only in a nonverbal way, with your neighbor. And she sensed that, and took it personally. Again, not your fault, but perhaps her feeling that her best interests were being neglected upset her. And she then decided that a passive-aggressive, "silent treatment" approach so to speak was the way to handle things. But just because she felt let down by you does not mean that you made any big mistake. It sounds like a simple miscommunication that took place from the start prevented what otherwise might have been a peaceful outing. Anyway, don't beat yourself up! Sounds like a lot of normal, every day life to me...