Dont know Why??

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by White Dove, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I often wonder why???

    Why do some people say they love you then they prove or their actions show something totally different?

    Why is it so hard to get those who you care about and who you hold dearly close to your heart to understand that the pain , rather it be physical or emotional is real?

    I just dont know why things happen.... I know that i am partly to blame cause after all it was my computer and i did let her use it... but what i dont understand is why when i try with everything i got to make amends and to find out what really happened and what really went wrong that i am rejected??

    I have an open and honest heart here that is crying out yet it is going unnoticed or perhaps pushed to the side because of some stupid actions that took place years ago...

    I want and need , really an honestly need , is to have that peace of mind before i pass on... I am really hurt.. my heart is hurt.. my mind is hurt.. my spirit is hurt because appeartenly my spirit and my soul is not worth it to the minister and his wife... i need to make peace yet i am assuming it can not be done because they dont want it to be..

    I have heard many times , that one can not get what they want all the time, but it has nothing to do with me wanting it.. but has everything to do with what God requires.. Am i really that unloveable? Am i really that unworthy??

    I just dont get it...

    WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME???

    I AM USING UP PRACTLY ALL THE STRENGTH I HAVE TO PLEAD TO YOU AND TO YOUR WIFE... I AM NOT UTILIZING YOU. I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH YOU BUT I WOULD LIKE , WELL ACTUALLY , NEED TO MAKE AMENDS BEFORE I PASS ON... I DONT WANT TO DIE WITH A TROUBLED HEART OR SPIRIT...

    do you just not care? Am i really that bad of a person?? I dont want to die like that. i really dont , why do you think i come to this support forum for? This is my last hope and my last plea...

    Im gonna give up... I am not that strong no matter how much i seem to be.. I am weak and getting weaker as the days go by... I need you both.. i really do cause i am not that strong anymore...

    I am angry alot but its because of all the hurt i have and been through... i cant face this alone... PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME ALL ALONE TO FACE THIS..???

    PLEASE DONT LET ME DIE????

    DONT LET ME DIE WITH A TROUBLED MIND AND SPIRIT???

    PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW AND WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT ALL I KNOW ABOUT WHAT MY NIECE DID.?

    I CANT DO THIS WHEN I AM DEAD...

    my mind will not get put at ease unless you are both willing to speak with me face to face.. i cant do this by myself...

    GOD TOLD ME TO MAKE ONE MORE PLEA TO YOU AND THIS IS IT!!!

    ARE YOU BOTH WILLING TO HELP EASE MY MIND AND SPIRIT BEFORE I DIE??? YOU CANT TALK TO ME WHEN IM DEAD...

    Everything i have posted here online has been truth.. every single detail including my true feelings... I cant stop this cancer..nobody can, not even a doctor.. im dying and i cant change that.. why do you think i wrote several talk show hosts as a last step plea to you both.. because that is all i need to put my mind at ease and die in peace.. its not a joke and i hope you can see that... i really do...

    Mr. and Mrs Dalton... I NEED YOU BOTH.... NOT AS MUCH AS I NEED JESUS CAUSE HE COMES FIRST IN MY LIFE , BUT I DO NEED YOU...

    ITS UP TO YOU NOW..

    I AM GOING TO LEAVE THIS IN GODS HANDS NOW...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2007
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    :hug: That's the best place to leave it now, honey. I believe that before you go, everything you're hoping and praying so hard for will come true. You'll make amends, you'll get your answers, I'm sure of it.

    But you are strong. You've held on so long, there must be some part of you that doesn't ever give up.

    Feel better and take care. :hug: