don't know

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Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#1
don't know how much time i have left

getting more and more unstable emotionally- can't keep it together anymore

feeling pain going into work, having lunch alone, sometimes just sitting at my desk

not even that it makes me cry any more but...

i used to be able to keep it inside and now it finding its way out when i don't want it to

catching myself doing hurtful things to myself at my desk - been lucky to stop before someone walking by sees me

and i can't seem to keep quiet when the pain is at it's worst - words and sounds just coming out of my mouth that i wouldn't be able to explain to anyone who might overhear

never been so out of control before - i think it's a signal - i should probably be afraid but right now the end will be a relief
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Just want to let you know I read your thread but I don't have any answers. :hug: to you.
 

Duxy

Banned Member
#3
Hi,
I'm sorry you're suffering so much! Have you seen a dr lately?maybes it's time it doesn't have to be the end someone can help you!
Take care
Duxy x
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Work is bearable because I'm friends with my coworkers.

Can't imagine being at work alone, I would have quit long time ago. Wow, how many years have you been with this company? Is there a possible coworkers that you can grab lunch with, just one can make a huge difference. Just wondering as isolation at work isn't good.

:hug:
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#5
30 years

Me and one other longtimer put on "probation" in october

He's been forced to retire as today - they had a little party

I couldn't go - too mixed up

Sad at what happened

Glad (?) it wasn't me

Scared because I know I'm not safe

Not sure I'm even human any more
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
You are a human being. Companies can be evil and some of the laws barely protect employees. Its a messed up world and 30 years is awesome. I do hope its until you want to retire.

I worked with 30plus year employees at my company as alot of us have been here 8 plus years and the widsom and knowledge is priceless. .
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#9
Can't stay awake past 9 most nights -wake around 1 or 2 - move to couch around 3 - rest without really sleeping - that's when the ache is the worst, when the pain of being alone makes me wish I was dead
 
#10
I cant sleep most nights. The only thing that keeps me from leaving the apartment in the midlle of the night and not come back is to listen to music. I often daydream at night to music pretending my life was different. its the only thing that keeps me from leaving and not coming back
 
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