don't know

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Dec 12, 2014.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    don't know how much time i have left

    getting more and more unstable emotionally- can't keep it together anymore

    feeling pain going into work, having lunch alone, sometimes just sitting at my desk

    not even that it makes me cry any more but...

    i used to be able to keep it inside and now it finding its way out when i don't want it to

    catching myself doing hurtful things to myself at my desk - been lucky to stop before someone walking by sees me

    and i can't seem to keep quiet when the pain is at it's worst - words and sounds just coming out of my mouth that i wouldn't be able to explain to anyone who might overhear

    never been so out of control before - i think it's a signal - i should probably be afraid but right now the end will be a relief
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just want to let you know I read your thread but I don't have any answers. :hug: to you.
  3. Duxy

    Duxy Banned Member

    I'm sorry you're suffering so much! Have you seen a dr lately?maybes it's time it doesn't have to be the end someone can help you!
    Take care
    Duxy x
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Work is bearable because I'm friends with my coworkers.

    Can't imagine being at work alone, I would have quit long time ago. Wow, how many years have you been with this company? Is there a possible coworkers that you can grab lunch with, just one can make a huge difference. Just wondering as isolation at work isn't good.

  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    30 years

    Me and one other longtimer put on "probation" in october

    He's been forced to retire as today - they had a little party

    I couldn't go - too mixed up

    Sad at what happened

    Glad (?) it wasn't me

    Scared because I know I'm not safe

    Not sure I'm even human any more
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    You are a human being. Companies can be evil and some of the laws barely protect employees. Its a messed up world and 30 years is awesome. I do hope its until you want to retire.

    I worked with 30plus year employees at my company as alot of us have been here 8 plus years and the widsom and knowledge is priceless. .
  7. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you must endure. you are a valuable person.
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hoping you're doing ok. Thinking of you.
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Can't stay awake past 9 most nights -wake around 1 or 2 - move to couch around 3 - rest without really sleeping - that's when the ache is the worst, when the pain of being alone makes me wish I was dead
  10. Johnnie

    Johnnie Member

    I cant sleep most nights. The only thing that keeps me from leaving the apartment in the midlle of the night and not come back is to listen to music. I often daydream at night to music pretending my life was different. its the only thing that keeps me from leaving and not coming back
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    What about talking to a doc to get some sleep medications that keeps you asleep throigh the night
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Don't work - most sleep I got with pills was 5 hours - can't ask for stronger - wouldn't be a good idea
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